love_sadako's Journal

I have a confession to make . IM really lazy ... this whole week , since Im still recovering from surgery , I spend majority of my time enjoying the wind chime and gentle breeze of wind . pumpkin went overseas for some business meeting , I tell her to enjoy . she never give me a date when she is coming back . so Im taking care of the house and surfing internet and watching movie . soo bored . I have been scrolling on my msn list and my yahoo list and I remember back all those time where I have been actively socializing with peoples . being who Im not and thinking it is self improvement but end of the day , I just found myself unable to fit in . thinking back all those time , there is time where I try to impress my first wife who I know what I should do but it is not until very late in life I realise I cant lie to myself anymore . no matter how hard I try to forget her no matter how hard I try to love another girl ultimately , she is the only one in my mind . never change , ever lasting , but now day being with pumpkin I finally can move on , I Dont even remember or miss her anymore . lol . sigh , it wasnt really a good thing to begin with . I search around the house for anything to play or to do with but all I end up nothing . I get dress up and walk toward the town . while I can ride bicycle I prefer walk . me and pumpkin usually ride bicycle half way before using the bus service . it was a long walk . I saw a lot of peoples on the field waving at me . I saw flock of bird flying overhead . I observed the cloud moving gently . I bump into an old lady with a bag of fruit on her back . I offer my help she just wave at me and say thanks so much but if I dont work I will get old faster . she laught a bit and I gently smile back . she continue her journey I continue mine . halfway walking I saw a troop of duck walking from one field to another , I stand there look at the care given by the duck mother for many minutes before becoming curious on a very random thing . how does my wife raise our daughter anyway ? all she care is dress her up and bring her everywhere like a cute little doll . oh well . but both of them seem very happy . thinking back I miss them somehow . no no , cant fall into the pit .

I arrived at the town and everyone say hi . Im feeling rather uncomfortable with so many peoples knowing me and greeting me . so I just wave my hand a bit like hero of the town and everyone just start to talk loudly something or rather . I pretend to know what is going on but just walk along and act along . I walk along the road selling vegetable and meat . and I realise something . there isnt really a big supermarket anywhere , the closet I get to is 24/7 shop and their meat only sell at midnight to morning after all this shop close . as I walk a long I pass by a fruit stall . maybe I should get some apple . this morning breakfast of cereal and milk are filling but Im feeling hungry already . I went to the shop look at the apple and the owner start a light conversation with me . what you looking for ? uhh , 1 apple please . ok , let see . he then start to take one apple by one and examine them . ok this one seem nice . here you go . how much is it ? ohh dont worry too much about it . it is just 1 apple and he give out a rather annoying loud laught . I dig my pocket and give him few pence . uhh ok , thanks for this few pence . I look at hime and god know from where I ask him about his past . his face turn real serious and I feel a danger lurking . I used to be a real bad ass causing trouble only to society . I have run from state to state from country to country , chase by secret agency chase by law officer . one time I fend myself off a group of 20 gangsters . I was pretty worn out but then pumpkin appear infront of me . she reach out her hand to me and ask if IM ok . she is like an angel , I was forever indebted to her when she make me realise that this world isnt all dark and there is someone care for you if you look hard enough . from that day onward , I follow her and stay put myself here . if pumpkin need me IM willing to take out my nailed bat and race to her . I take a few step back from him and thanks him for the story . I eat my apple while walking around aimlessly . I bump into a guy in a suit who glare at me and stop me . you , I dont remember you at all . who are you . I intro myself as pumpkin husband and is a new guy on the island . his glare then turn to a smile face . ohh ok , Im the country government peoples one of the 10 ruler . you might not see me much since IM alway overseas . I ask him what he doing overseas and for second time in the day the guy who wear glassess infront of me put on a scary mask on their face . Im overseas alway asking for security support , if you notice there isnt really a police force . we rely and believe in our community peoples . but army is a must especially in the far outreach of the world . I have gone around the world to rally support for free army support .

I ask him where is the army located since the island itself is quite pack and I didnt see any army personal around . he then point to somewhere . we are center of several big island . the army are situated there . almost every single developed country in this world have some land to themself . we lend them the land they do whatever they want over there . they are pretty self sufficient , we rarely need to provide them food ration . cool . then he look at his watch and pat on my shoulder , it is time for me to go , I need to ensure security in this island . I breath a relief . then continue walking aimlessly . ahh I finish my apple . found a thrash can for organic waste and throw the remining of the apple into it . I then walk toward the beach . it was a long walk , seriously on bicycle wasnt this bad . I arrive at the beach after couple of hours . it wasnt dark yet and it is great shiny above my head . it wasnt really unbearable hot it is just right temperature . the beach isnt really filled with peoples but there is enough of peoples to feel lively yet not enough to feel crowded . I saw a small shop by the side so I Went and realise it is a food stall but I just order a drink and enjoy the sea breeze . the drink arrive and the lady who serve the drink sit infront of me . I sip my tea while she smile one kind . I put down my tea after statisfy my thirst . she ask me if it nice , I smile and thanks her for such a nice drink . she then have a small chat with me . asking me where is pumpkin . Im ... really ... curious .. cant help ... myself ... I ask her what her story is with pumpkin . she then hold her hand together like prying to the lord and with sparkling eye she tell me that she is her idol . apparently she is a biologist doing phd , one day she was attacked by pack of wolf . thanks to pumpkin . she is still alive till today . I have this very big sweat drop on my head hearing that . I realising something , everyone in this island have connection to pumpkin somhow and one story after another , sound more and more ... unbelieveable . seriously ... from gangster to lion to ... what next ? alien attack ? after she finish her story . she stand up and walk to serve other customer . I sip my tea even slower now , looking at the peaceful and tranqual sea . then all of sudden a music was played . I look at the counter and the girl I talk to just now smile . it is love songs . I enjoy my time really well . it wasnt productive but I start to miss pumpkin . I wonder when will she come . I miss her so much . her warm her smell her voice her tiny teeny bit of action her ... damm I feel Im getting sick . but one thing I really miss the most , her companion . I start to think about her seriously . and slowly one by one the trait I dont like about her I just accept it . there is many thing to talk bad about her but I dont care anymore . I love her for who she is and I accept her for who she is now .

all of suddenly I saw from far there is a jet ski racing toward the beach very fast . Im too oblivious to realise the danger . when the jet ski crash landed on the beach the driver was shoot into mid air and crash landed just onto next table of mine . whoever the driver is sure will enter hospital . the table is make out of pure wood . and being throw from such distance and such power , nobody will survive without injury ... except she is pumpkin ... omg ? she rub her head a bit before standing up and put up peace sign to the shop and shout out loud safe landing . she totally didnt realise IM there and I have this urge so much to actually just to pretend not recognise her fly back to malaysia and beg my first wife to forgive me . I mean , this is too bloody weird , where am I ? anime ? manga ? wtf ? soo many wrong . then all of sudden she turn her head toward me and look at me for couple of minutes and I just smile one kind her . all of sudden she drop onto floor rolling around saying very pain very pain and I stand up and shout at her "that is soo fake" . then she knee down and start to cry infront of me . you wont hate me right ? please dont . what I want to hate her for ? but then again how can I accept this whole scenerio . it is all too weird . no ... no more weird please , my first wife is weird enough I dont wanymore . but then I look at her , I cant help it but to pat her head and give up and just tell her it ok dont worry . she smile back like small little kid and jump onto me . I give her a good hug and tell her welcome home . we then sit back down and start to chat normall . hey where you went ? there is a auction of the property of this busted company . I was thinking of expanding my business into other field . I bought almost 40 percent of the company manufacturing capability . if everything go well , it would be so much easier to defend this country . defend this ... what ? yeah the company that went bust deal with firearm . I already have secure a contract with a private safety company to supply them with firearm . so if everything go well . we could start to supply gun to everyone in this country . I look at her innocent children like smile for about 10 minutes before went out and run around the beach like mad person for 5 minutes then sit back down and tell her , oic , that would be nice . the last time I snap and run around like that is when my first wife asking me to do rubbish thing .

so what firearm you want ? IM planning on a small burst fire rifle or something . I tell her then that Im not a military lover . but then I tell her how much I wish I can join the army but my first wife who is my enemy back then all of suddenly propose to me . everything come crumbling down . I hold my head and let out a loud arggg ... IM stupid I let go of my dream and everything for her . she then tell me , dont worry whatever you dream is , we can reach it together ok . I then ask her , well how if I tell you I want to be hacker . then a guy pass by me , she already is . I look at him and he smile and walk away . how about I tell you I want to be animal tamer . a girl pass by and tell me she already is . I look at her and she smile and walk away . I then ask the super impossible , how I tell you if I Want to be pirated . a guy walk pass by and the whole situation repeat itself . I look at her and she smile at me . anything you havent do before ? god Im soo annoyed , arrgg . she then hold my hand and whisper very gently to me . I never try before as a mother . then she rub my hand in very erotic way , I pull my hand but she have lock it shut . damm ... dont ... I bang my head on the table and she continue to arouse me . how the hell . no ... arrgg ... dont ... I bang my head repeatly . and bang my hand on the table as well . everyone in the cafe laught , look look , he is giving in , come on young guy dont lost . yeah I wont give in to my beast , I refuse , she continue to arouse me and I really really on borderline . after like 3 minutes , she let go , damm you are no fun , we are husband and wife now come on just be a bit rough on me . she then whisper to me , I Told you already Im sick and tired of being strong , it is time for you to lead . well same here IM sick and tired from my first wife torture , I alway be strong and bite my finger . if you want me be strong when I can be weak . she then hold my face and tell me . hey dont be so sad there will time for you to be weak and I will support you ok . how this sound ? odd day you be weak I be strong , even day you be strong I be weak . I smile at her and sob a bit and thanks her . she tell me it ok , we are husband and wife now , we should tolerance and understand each other . seeing that it is dark already , I ask her if she is hungry , cause IM . we order ramen . with green tea , free refill the tea , yay .

sleeping quite early really do upset my body and mind , it just keep telling me , it still young night , go out play or something . forcing them to shut up , really wreak havoc with me dreaming of my second wife . second night second wife , but there wont be a third night , heck maybe I should injure myself to stay longer in hospital but I should be glad to able to accompany pumpkin throughout her whole rest of her life journey . the dream is ... dark and f*ck up . heck the time IM with my second wife is propably the weirdest day of my life , we cant accept each other but somehow are together . seriously , I really love her , she is the girl I really do cherish and treasure dearly but stuff just happen . and we depart our way , lol . I leave no regret just exhausted . I woke up halfway through the dream , dreadful , I cant stand . sweating all over I went to take a light shower and went back to bed after walk around waiting for my hair to dry , lucky it dry fast cause I have this super short hair , good for ventilation . as I was sitting on the empty hallway with nurse walking pass by me and bowing as gesture of saying hi how are you doing , I just smile back . there is still bustling with peoples , suddenly a nurse come infront of me with a bunch of nurse and she say , some patient experience insomia like he does so you all shall bow a bit and give him gesture that you care for them . I wave at them and ask the nurse who is talking on who are these bunch of nurse . she reply they are trainee , after visiting hours usuall all trainee and doctor in training , biology student from universith and medical student will come to hospital for their real life experience training . that explain the amount of peoples walking around . I went back to bed after a whole . oh yeah it sting quite a bit when IM taking shower . the stich havent heal yet . technically I shouldnt really be taking bath but I cant be bothered , Im all sticky . then I do what I havent do for a very long time . but this time Im dreaming of the very first wife , not the real life one , the anime one . I spended my 6 years of life with her when my family just arent supportive of me and I got to bite my own finger . my whole life have been a never ending story of cheating girl , even those anime and not real . sigh ... but everysingle girl who I call wife I still care for them and I still wish them happiness . the girl who is call nagi is really beautifull and strong , she teach me alot if she is real life human , I would find her back and really do whatever in my power possible to get her back . I fall into asleep soon after thinking about her quite a lot . creating story in my head where she is the heroin and IM the stupid useless side kick . that is me , I want to be all weak rather than bite my finger like usual .

woke up quite late , the sun shine almost above my head , it is almost noon . pumpkin seem late today . so I walk to the canteen myself to get my breakfast , Im very hungry . the floor is cold , I took the pair of selipar out from the small closet that contain some stuff given to me by the hospital peoples as standard equipment when peoples register in . as I approach the door just about to push the door open , the door was open by itself and slam right at my face . I fall onto ground . I cover my face in reaction to pain , then I heard a voice , omg are you ok . I open slight crack between my finger so I can peek through . it is pumpkin . I pretend to be in deep pain . so I roll around . but it seem to cause my stich to feel more pain , I quickly stand up in hope of reducing the pain . yeah it does work but then pumpkin look at me . OMG stop scaring me like that . if anything happen to you , what will I do ? I give her a hug and tell her IM sorry . we walk back to my bed where she pull the table with roller and put a basket on top of it and start to take out container of foods . one by one . Im waiting in alot of expectation of what food Im going to eat today . she then open them one by one . I bake you butter rice with potato and vegetable all round . nice , I never have this kind of rice for so long time . I eat with her happily . I ask her what she doing early morning . she tell me that she went to arrange court session and I need to follow her to court house later . why ? I ask and she tell me that any event even small one must be reported if not other peoples will report anyway so the victim must report so there wont be any miscommunication and misjudgement . oh so are we going to sue that guy who beat me up ? she reply me with it totally up to you but I wont charge a sue , I understand there is peoples who want to protect me . althought he is wrong for acting in such a way to cause other peoples pain but IM following you , if you press charge I will too . I then ask her what she really want to do . I want to know that she have personal opinion and stand strong about it . she tell me that she really dont want to press charge , it was all a miunderstanding and silly thing anyway , but I of course willing to respect whatever decision you made . I smile at her and pat at her head and tell her . I wont ok , I wont . so later we will go court house tell them we will not pursue this matter . we finish the meal real fast so we went to sign the sign out paper and proceed to leave the hospital but before that was a warning by doctor, that before the stich heal I cant do anything heavy and excessive , I can only walk slowly and sit around do nothing . oh yeah eat only also as well . the cut isnt really that long , I guess it will be quick for it to heal .

pumpkin carry all the hospital souvenir , tissue , slipper , shampoo and such . we take the public transport to the court house , the bus is running on electric . it is quite slow , and have strong sleep inducing effect . in the bus it is quite pack but not pack to extend of there is peoples standing , everyone is seated but you can feel the packness . we finally arrive at our destination after 17 minutes on bus . in which pumpkin keep point and fingering to interesting place . she tell me that she save many place she want to go until the day where she can share exploring interesting and fascinating place with the one she love the most who is me now . ahem I feel soo proud and honoured . she lead the way to a small room . there is few peoples there , one I presume is the judge 2 lawyer and the guy who beat me up . he look real agitated , IM quite scare but then pumpkin hug my hand and tell me that everything will be ok . we walk to infront of the judge . he read the charge out , and identify all attending party . the judge then ask me do I want to press charge , I hold her hand and kiss her forehead and tell the judge , no I will not press charge . he look quite dissapointed . and ask me to recomfirm but my answer is same , no . he then give out a sigh and announce the verdict . since the victim decide not to press charge you will be free from being punished too heavily , do you have anything to say in your defend ? I look at him and he look at me . and say in a loud voice . he hurt pumpkin and make her cry , that is why I act in such way . the judge then turn to pumpkin . is this true ? pumpkin answer honestly but with added defence word for me . yes he did make me cry but it was all a misunderstanding . the guy who assult me look at pumpkin and shout are you joking ? how the hell it can be misunderstanding , you did cry . then pumpkin tell the judge . I intreprete my husband words too harshly and too emotional without giving it a proper processing . then the judge ask pumpkin does she want to press charge . pumpkin say no , the judge seem really want some excitement as he give out a big sigh and recomfirm the answer . of course pumpkin answer is the same . then the judget announce . ok the 2 victim wont press charge but as your defend reason is not valid enough . we will strip you off your power and responsibility toward this country and you got to serve community service for 1 month . court dismiss . he was soon escorted out with 2 security guard . me and pumpkin walk out to take public transport again . I ask her if this is ok , after all all he did is to try to protect you . she hold my face and foce me to look her in her eye and she tell me , it ok , he shouldnt act so rashly in first and jump to conclusion , my believe that he shouldnt be punish contradict with what the law already written . it ok dont worry . she reassure me . I feel more relieve .

the court take up some minutes but it was still early . so then all of sudden since the bus havent arrive she ask me if it ok to walk back to town to pick up her bicycle before heading home . I tell her let go for a walk then . we got plenty of time . she jump around happily . she is soo gently and sweet if she is my first wife she would force me to walk with her . pumpkin can be irrasional sometimes but most of the time she respect peoples around her and make sure all party agree . I feel so much more safe and dignified with her . there is absent sense of pain and I feel quite hallow without torture . but all those I leave behind with my first wife already . we walk toward the town which is connected to the part of the town we are in with a row of shop . it sell everything I can see everything . she walk beside me and keep talking about this and that . but all of her talk really strike my interest . she is a very curious kids and want to keep up to date with everything happening around her that might effect her future or her kids future . I feel so much more clickable with her . I can release all I want talk all I want discuss and debate all I want . it was a new found freedom that I feel icky about but all will change in time as I grow stronger and stronger bond with her . we have alot of fun and laught , talking about how battery work and how to make it better to discussing on business issue and latest world agenda . many trivial thing seem important and many small matter seem to be big thing to talk about . it wasnt even slightest of stopping moment for even oxygen to replenish my lung and my body capacity it was first time sort of in my life I can actually communicate normally and funcationing very well socializing . I dont know how many words have been expressed but all I know is time fly really fast when Im with her . we went to the town and it is already dark . so we went for our dinner , looking around we decided to go for malaysia food which disguised as indian food . long time never eat , and we order a lot of thing , she order fry rice fry maggi mee rojak and nasi lemak while I order my usual nasi kandar , which I miss so much after leaving malaysia . I didnt expect really there is so many malaysian dish I can enjoy here . the rice portion is alot and the 3 side dishes contain prai which I love a lot , fry vegetable in tempura sauce , rare and some cabbage with carrot . I put a lot of dhal . they give me a lot of pempadam . I have try a bit of the maggi goreng but it wasnt really as nice as malaysian cooking due to obviously missing the X factor which is the uncleaniness of untypical malaysian that make thing a whole lot tastier . but we never the less enjoy what we are eating . it was a fabulous meal . my dreaming of malaysia food have been answered at last . after the food , pumpkin and me went to fetch her bicycle where we cycle home soon . it was a long ride but sharing the body warm with me hugging her from passenger seat , I feel one with her it was very happy moment

it was such a long time I can sleep in peace without anyone beside me and occupy the full comfy bed to myself , I wonder if all hospital in this world have such nice bed , it make me feel really protected and cuddled . not the same as pumpkin hug and pat pat but this is also very comfortable in their own way . I quickly succumb to sleep , I wish Im like last time , where I can roll on bed for hours , wondering pondering upon life and looking at ceiling and imaginating myself as hero in some foreign land . for very long time I never roll on bed and imagine Im in my own harem and Im the average joe who somehow got into a lot of mess . silly I know stupid I acknowledge but if we dont dream we dont fight . I owe what I have today to my dreaming which give me strenght and power to fight against all odd . I was asked to be realistic when Im with my second wife , but being restricted I feel constricted , it wasnt me at all . I started dreaming as soon as I fall asleep . I dream of my first wife and my 2 kids . in the dream , she is a very mellow housewife , who take care of the kids and cook for the weaken husband come back from fighting in society for mere just enough for family to survive . in the dream , I work very hard and come back to a nice meals being prepare and my kid come hug me and take my stuff and when I went into bathroom , my first wife take the cloth I Throw everywhere in the house to laundry and prepare a fresh new one . it wasnt her at all in real life , infact it is total opposite . she is the one who throw her cloth everywhere and when I clean them up she punch me in the face and call me pervert and my kids ? frustating only cause me to pop my vein . but I never regret any of those infact I thanks to my first wife for bring me so many treasureable memory . it was nice and sweet in their own way . continuing the dream , after bath we all have a nice dinner at the table , we talk a lot of interesting normal stuff and we all laught kindly and gently . it was really warm and fuzzy . I can feel the happiness and warmness after that dinner I was watching the tv while my kids ask me question . my wife prepare fruit in kitchen and soon bring it out and she lighten my burden by teaching the kids . after the fruit , we all play some family game , wow , I can play game , wtf ? then soon we all went to bed . I woke up , looking left looking right looking infront of me , I realise that it is just a dream . there is a clock in the ward Im in , it show very early in morning and the sun havent even come out yet . I lay back down to catch somemore wink but I keep thinking about the dream .

why am I having such a dream ? why I dream of my first wife not second not third ? what Im trying to prove here to myself ? then I ask myself even more peculiar question , who I really love after so many years of torture why Im still lingering around her ? I cant fall back to sleep , IM frustated and feel like crying . she havent done anything real bad toward me , why I give up on her ? she tolerate me for so many years and she never complain , why I ditch her ? she keep this family together so long despite her hatred toward me , why I call it a quit ? I realise something , I have committed something real despicable . from long time ago I know I have done a lot of wrong and I never forgive myself . but after a while I tell myself , if I dont forgive myself how can I open myself to the one I want to be happy the most with ? I must tell her and seek her forgiveness , it have been a real fun time together , I want to be forgiven and if she is willing to walk with me to path of seeking forgiveness to myself and to my past . IM sure I have found the one who really want to be with me and appreciate and cherish me . Im determine not to wrong anymore . I wont give up , I wont let go anymore .

I keep rolling on bed to prepare myself when she visit . but soon I fall into sleep slumber again . this time I didnt have any dream . but when I woke up it is noon time . she come in a bit after that . she bring a basket , the food here arent really that nice , I cook you something , try it ok . have you made the food whole morning ? I ask her she smile at me and shake her head . I gone to get ingredient for what Im going to cook . it was very time consuming . and she take out one dish by one dish after another dish and put it on table that have roller on them . it was like a festival , so many choice . come on dig in , a variety of food is a well balance diet . I ask her where is the rice , she look at me one kind , no rice just dishes that if you eat all you will feel full , uhh arent you going to eat I ask her but she say she have eaten on her way . as I eat she have this full of expectation face , Im quite disturbed actually , I dont really know how to tell her the food taste quite bland , but it is quite improvement from both of my wife , infact even if my two previous wife combine and cook for 10 years also I doubt will be as nice her . I pat her head with my oily hand and tell her it is nice . she purr softly . somekind of noise ... then as I eat I tell her what I dream just now and I tell her what I have been thinking after that . I tell her everything , all the lie I have created in my life to deter peoples away from pestering me , all the havoc I have created just cause I believe in myself and refuse to move one step , all those sadness I have created cause I think peoples are stupid . I tell her everything . nothing was leave untouch . she have this shock face but soon she sit on my bed and give me a hug . I understand dont worry , everything is ok . I wont leave you ok . for so many years I have close my heart to even my 2 wife , I never let them know who I really am but this time Im determine to let her unprecedented access to my heart and memory . I wont run away with faking everything . she hug me and refuse to let me go even as Im finishing all those food . I feed her some which I think is nice . there is 3 other patient in the ward and all of them laughting as us newly wed . they say so romantic and sweet . my wife soon tell me that she have to go , today I got meeting to attend , I will be back with dinner and this time we eat together ok . in the mean time , uhh ... do whatever you want la , since I own partial of this hospital . uhh ... what ?

so yeah I just wonder around the hospital . I wasnt permitted to walk , cause they scare the stich will open up . so I sit on wheel chair and visit everywhere the hospital . I alway dream of becoming a doctor . but sadly IM tad bit too stupid for it . I ask around the hospital about pumpkin . and an interesting thing come up , her daughter , a doctor went around the world as volunteer for red cross but one day she was kidnapped . no ransom was paid and according to news she was killed but there is rumour she survive and become a super hero figure fighting against all evil in this world . sound like the nurse read too many comic book so I move on and continue to ask around how they are doing and such . I start to know a lot more about pumpkin , she was a loner most of the time , but active in social activity . I heard as well she have been in hospital many time for some mental illness but I cant dig anymore information about her condition as no one dare to tell me all of them avoid it for some reason . but one do tell me , you will cure her dont worry , the whole town have believe and faith in you . and another one is even more scary , you unite the whole island to pursue now one goal and one dream . thanks so much . Im puzzled and scare at the same time . I alway land myself in some sticky situation I hope this is not one of it . as I wonder around I wondered into a room with kids , the day care center . I sudenly remember my kids . I wonder how they are doing , ah one of them wet themself the nurse was quite to act and change accordingly . lol , I still remember the first time I change my son diaper , he kick it around and end up I got to wash the floor . so many memory so many cherishing moment . sigh . the more I look at them the more I miss my kids . so I determine , I ask the nurse is it ok for me to make long range call for 10 minutes or more . they answer sure anything you want . thanks , so I call my first wife hourse , and automatically my daughter pick up . hello ? I tell her who Im and ask her how is she doing , it was a long pause before she reply , ohh dad is it ? everything here is fine , brother say he got enough money to visit you , where are you . I tell them what happen so far in my life . she reply , uh then we wont visit you cause mom seem missing you a lot now day , she cant find another person to bully , her hand very itchy . swt , hey do me a favour tell mom that I miss her too , not as in love but as in I cherish the memory we endured and create together . she say ok and soon we just chat idly , the conversation ended with something I never expect to hear, I miss you dad . I miss you too I reply her back . soon I hang up . the nurse ask me about who is that . soon I was telling story about my 2 previous wife . lol .

everyone pat on me and tell me that I have found the right one , pumpkin will open my heart for sure . I was re-assured again and again by everyone that I have a new start , no one will hurt me anymore . Im kinda scare but at the same time relief . soon it is night time I wonder off back to my ward and pumpkin is there sleeping on my bed with house cloth . swt , is this how she went off to have meeting ? I look at her for few minutes before she woke up and greet me good morning . I tell her it is still night time . ohh . and soon she push me , come let go have dinner IM hungry , canteen food is quite nice you know . I ask her what meeting she attend today and try to create a conversation from there . she say it is for lala farm production line , she meet all those involve in managing the farm and factory to decide next batch of food . I tell I will wait anxiously for that day to taste the fresh and great food . we wonder went into the canteen and there isnt many peoples , she tell me that many peoples opted to take back into their own ward to eat or watch tv at waiting room , she sit me in one of the table and went off to get food . I dont have to wait for so long before my food arrive , and we start digging in . the food is really delicious and nice . while eating I ask her about my past , what your opinion what you think I should do and such , she give me alot of interesting answer , and in return so I wont make her feel Im using her for my own answer seeking I ask her to teach me about christianity , I want to be with her from now onward and I want to love her I want to know more about her the thing she is interest in the thing she love nad such I want to learn and love and understand maybe not to the level where Im considering it as seriously taking it up like her but maybe I can learn to the level where we can have fun together . she talk like small little kid who just receive candy , very cute but at same time sometimes very incomprehensible and sometimes very annoying , it was fun . seriously fun . my day end with bumping into doctor who tell me I can go back tomorrow . so I went back to my ward chat with her abit before visiting time end and I fall back to sleep . today small talk open myself up real well . IM happy . if I cant open myself up how can I accept peoples huh

the wedding dinner is simple but splendid . I never have this much fun . my first wife wedding ceremony is a bit ... weird . second one was down right horrible . but this one is just nice , is just balance . there is the weird gov official peoples , and there is the normal town folk and there is this free festive and there is plenty of food and I get to know almost all peoples in this town . I was leave behind by her as she went get into a conversation with some of her friend leave me to my own leisure to learn my way around . few peoples come forward and shake my hand and tell me the story they have about her . it wasnt all nice but it wasnt all too bad , she used to have a husband in early day of her career as boss of lala farm . but it turn out the guy is just after her money . it was lala newspaper front line news . the guy apparently have dissapear from earth after his deed have been found out . she is hard broken and is pregnant with his kid . the guy tell me all this walk away soon after he say that he speak a bit too much so I turn to the government official to ask her what he know about her . she is the most courageous female ever life , and I want to fulfill my responsibility as her son to take care of her for rest of her life . oic , ehh , wait ? what ? he give me a nod and whisper to me , dont tell her IM her son . he tell me that after he and his sister is born , she work so hard for the farm but one time when she is overseas she got into accident , it wasnt just any accident , someone is targetting her , those time he is still small unable to support her and didnt know what to do . heart broken , she is very sad why everyone cursing her for her fortune , despite she work so hard and never hurt anybody , she have to be treated for acute depression but soon she lock all her bitter memory up and move on which is also known as amnesia . she dont even recognise her own children anymore after that . so as her son I want to marry her and take care of her for rest of her life . but she choose you instead . I hope you know what you are doing . I back off few step and look at her suspiciously , and soon a town peoples pat on my back and nod at me . oh shit ... this is 100 times weirder than my first wife , what have I step onto now ? incest and amnesia and ... where is the camera ? this joke have been taken a bit too far . seriously ... I shall get myself drunk with beer . unable to stand alcohol , I just take a whole bottle of sake and drink it all down . and the next day morning I Wake up with a familiar ceiling , I look to my right ,it was the girl I married last night , so it wasnt a dream ...

I continue to look at her sleeping face . 10 minutes pass , 20 minutes pass , 30 minutes pass . at 40 minutes suddenly she open her eye . we glare at each other for 3 minutes before she sit up flex a bit and let out a real big yawn . what a great day , she then crawl toward the remote and open the news channel . I stand up walk toward the kitchen . I heard she say , hey get me cofee can ? I reply her with ok . I make 2 cup of cofee . black cofee , I dont know what is her preferences , so I bring along milk and sugar . she look at the cofee and start to sip it . black huh ? never taste this great before . she smile and look at me , sip one more time before she thank me . I smile back . after the news end , she stand up flex a bit and ask me to get ready . I ask her where we are going , she point outside the window , we going to start our new life with a jog with the community peoples . ah ? for so many years I have been jogging alone , it really make me feel uncomfortable to jog with a bunch of peoples . I know long time ago that since IM from asthmatic background and I never exercise that much , I would drag anyone down to my pathetic pace if I jog with peoples . but since I jog for so long during those time when of my 2 wife , I kinda have a better stamina level now day . we change into something comfortable and cycle to town , she cycle and I sit on back and just hug her . I sniff her a bit , so this is the smell of socialization whole night , sweating all the way back home carrying the useless guy , and fall flat on ground reaching home . she start to sing some songs , I feel soo comfortable and relax . I feel soo protected . soon we reach town and was greet by everyone . morning , hey how are you doing . I feel soo really uncomfortable I feel like hiding behind her back , but I know since this is my new life I want to accustome to something new for once . I greet them back with a big loud great day huh . the sun shine not too high , it is still early morning . me and pumpkin went to change into our cloth . and went jogging with the rest of the community . it was a great experience , everyone laughing and sharing daily experience , the conversation of the day is yesterday marriege event . everyone start to ask me question , and make me really uncomfortable , I never feel this inside a society before . I shall not shun myself out , I release everything , I answer back honestly everything they ask . then suddenly my wife ask me about my past . I keep quiet for few minutes wondering how to tell her . she then tell me , I know my past I know who IM , but there is alway this part of me that I feel Im missing , but all those doesnt really matter now since I have a future with you . she smile and I tell her honestly that I have 2 previous failed marriege and I got 2 kids .I tell her honestly on how my first wife is torturer and my second wife is this and that . I must say I wasnt expectting a good response from them . and yeah no one really saying happy thing . my new wife just silent

after the jog and bath , we went to have our lunch , on our way , my wife tell me . sorry I didnt expect you to be such a person . I alway though you are nice and gentle and lonely and such . what can I say ? she let go a sigh . I stop hold her and tell her , I leave my past behind , what I want the most and what most important now is our future . she put her hand on my arm which is locked around her body . I understand but give me sometimes . I let her go then she jump few step forward look back and stuck her tongue out , I wonder if your kid will like me . I run forward hold her hand and tell her , I will make them if they dont . we swing our hand walking together , I ask her what we going to eat today . keeping it a secret and we wonder into a chinese restaurant . ok IM starting to get irritated by constant peoples greet no matter whre we go . she order food for me as well , as soon as the food arrive IM quite shocked by the quantity and what is ordered . I ask her if she got enough money , she nod and say dont worry . we start to have small talk ... about our past and our future . rubbish talk , nothing really will come true but what more important is we dream and we believe in our future . we ate slowly and spend the whole day just wasting time doing notihng . worried I ask her if she doesnt need to work . she reply with the business is quite stable and that she is quite lazy to expand the business , she fed up of faking infront of everyone when finalizing business deal . I discovver the first thing I hate about her . she like to fake when socializing . but putting myself in her shoe I understand why she is doing it , there is many peoples care about this kind of stupid small thing . sigh ... she take a sip of her tea and tell me this whole economic story and tale about lala land . exporting food related product and renewable technology earned them alot of profit . so much that culmulatively they are able to support the small island for 10 to 20 more years . there is only small quantity of material they need to import and there isnt a military just volunteer military force have help to cut down cost of running the country a lot . I ask her how if there is pirate and peoples start invading the country . she stand up give me a thumbs up and say , everyone in this country is ex military peoples and we can alway ask UN for support so no worry . Im worried now ... very

after the long talk and story , she paid the bill and when we step outside , she hold my hand , and I ask her where we are going , "ohh , there will be christian pryer" . I shake off my hand from her grasp , no I tell her I already have a religion which I pry to everyday . she look at me waiting for me to tell her what or rather who IM worshipping and this put me in strange situation . how the hell IM going to tell her that Im worshipping my first wife ? she will misunderstood , or maybe she will not but then again the girl infront of me is my wife now , and Im worshipping someone from the past who is my ex-wife . omg , so confusing . I hold my face and think about it for very long time before , I look at her and tell her straight in the face , I worship my first wife . her jaw drop , and look at me with a very shock expression then she start to sob and look down and I step forward to give her a hug , I want to let her go , I let go many girl go already I wont let this one go . the moment I hug her she push me away and when I resist her , she punch me in the face , I can feel my jaw bone being dislocated and my teeth being move backward . pain one kind but I continue to hug her unwilling to let go . I tell her in whisper , I dont mean it that way , please dont just go away like everygirl did to me , please just listen to me , she still try to force herself free . I tell her I love her a lot I worship my first wife as in worship without any feeling , as in she teach me a lot and I follow her teaching . I still sob and become even more forceful to push me away . then suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder . the moment I turn around , a punch landed on my face , I drop death onto floor , the shock was too extreme . I told you that if you make her cry you will suffer . it is her sons . such a bad timing . remembering all those past broken promise I stand up and tell her infront of the whole street . I love you I f*cking love you ok , now stop misunderstanding . her son however refuse to listen and start to hurt me real badly . after 10 minutes she stop sobbing and nod . her son stop but I cant stand up . too painful .

she then help me stand up by giving me a piggy back . she smile at her son and walk off . I whisper to her , stop misunderstanding , I worship her as in I believe in her teaching not as in she is greatest of all and I love you . she piggy me back and land me on a chair while the church pryer going on inside the community hall . she stand infront of the mic and start ... preaching ? not sure what you call . Im scare , church alway give me this creep . it was however a short meeting before we head off to jog , but since IM in terrible condition , I was sended off to hospital . she sit beside me as I was attended by doctor . she hold my hand as the doctor come in with verdict of my injury . hmm , bad news , you got fractured rib cage , enlargement of kidney due to trauma and bruise on your liver heart and several other area , you need to stay in hospital for couple of day . I was layed on a trolley before being pushed into operating room . sedated , they perform operation to help restore my body function . sigh , I really shouldnt be so weak unable to fight back . she is from military anyway , how can I protect her if IM this weak . Im pathetic , I must improve myself . after the effect of the drug wear off , I woke up realising she is beside me . but my hungry stomach growling woke her up . good morning she said in sleepy mood . so cute . I ask her if she is ok , enough sleep or not , she just nod at me . then she stand up and ask me what I want to eat , I tell her up to you . she walk to the door and open it but I stop her from going out with a question . uhh pumpkin , I want to ask you , are you deeply religious . she turn around and smile at me , yes IM all dedicated toward jesus . my world crumble down , it ok if she is religious but I just need time to adjust to it , since I Never like religious peoples . well IM a very religious person anyway in my own religion so what to complain ? hahaha

pumpkin come back with food after a while , it is chinese fried noodle . not really oily thus doesnt really look nice , but after I Take a bite , it is quite nice . I eat them all up in 1 gulp . since IM really hungry , she look at me smilling cutely , I reach out to her and pat her head and thanks her . she look at her clock and tell me she will come back tomorrow , it is getting quite late . I lay back down and she tug me in and give me a peck on the forehead and tell me in gentle sound , sleep tight , on the way out she turn off the light and I Close my eye and start dreaming ...

Pizza come finally after quire sometimes . I have personally finish 4 packet of snack and 2 bottle of drink , she top me up by 8 packet of snack and 3 and and a half bottle of drink . we have watched 3 movies , the fourth one coming up soon . it was wee into the morning , watching and eating and talking and commenting and just relax and feel free . when is last time I feel this free ? this without worry without responsibility without constant nagging without constant bitting my own finger ? I dunno but this new found freedom making me really truely appreciate the smaller thing in life , movie snack and being accompanied just there by someone you feel a click with . it is like first time I hold my wife hand long ago , my dark life that I feel have ended without any hope without anything to look forward suddenly there is a slight crack that light so bright so never see before for soo long come through . I found a motive in life . but being unable to comprehend at that time how much she really mean to me the chances that is given me I have waste it away just like that but this time . I truely honestly understand I need to fight hard for it . she wasnt just like any girl in my life , she put herself into my shoe try to understand how I feel and give me comfort whenever I tell her about my second wife . she tell me "it ok everything is pass , she have been blinded by her loneliness for not seeing you have been insulted and have been hurted , if IM there I would throw the cup of water at him and ask him shut up" . she give me a hug afterward . a tight dont want to let go those kind . rest of her words about not taking side until she hear from both party and such is just what I have did last time . I still remember how I tell her that guy is jerk that guy is b0stard that guy is this and that , IM not taking her side Im just putting myself in her shoe and see it from her side I still go out with him I still talk with him . I would choose to be with who after I have hear from both party but that never happen and my wife divorce me . the end . lol . the pizza is nice , it have a lot of topping , a many variety of vegetable and fruit , green yellow and red pepper , mushroom , carrot . yummy , she let go of me when I eat the pizza . I look at her eating her pizza . we ordered 4 pizza , 2 large vegetarian 2 large some meat . I dunno what she order . but I look at her she smile at me with a very comforting smile . it was nice . she edge forward to me . promise me you wont leave me , promise me you will support me when IM weak . I nod and ask her if she promise me the same thing , she give me a slap at the back with her dirty hand and shout out loud of course . she laugh but I sob slighty . it wasnt until we finish our fifth movie we cant stand and just sleep ... ontop of the garbage pile we have created .

I woke up with a massive headache , ouch , really should drink more water than those juice , toilet toilet , I stumble my way to toilet . I then pass by a room which make me really curious , dunno , it just sort of attract me , I pass by few room but this one just beg me to open and explore . I dunno why but there is a calling . then suddenly I was surprised by a voice from behind . it was pumpkin , scare the hell out of me . then walk toward me and try to open the door . she cant open it , it was lock then she look at me . this house have been pass down by my family for generation , I move from my uncle apartment to this small cottage after knowing how long this house have been in standing and legend have it that only peoples have greatness inside them can open it . I look at the door knob Im really tempted to test my ability , I hold the knob and try to turn it , jiggle like I want to tear down the house , but I cant open the door either . she look at the door with sort of nostalgic eye . I really want an offspring to continue this legacy that one day this door might be unlock and god know what great treasure it might hold , she then turn to me and smile . Im really curious what inside ... but then again it look more like someone have lost the key and too lazy to ask locksmith to open it . but I shall respect the tradition with all the doubt I have buried deep inside me . I proceed to continue to do my business in toilet . while inside , she knock on the door and ask me to take a bath as well . I will bring the cloth for you later dont worry just take your bath . I take off my shirt and drench myself in cold water , Im getting used to it . and all of sudden my past come back haunting me . it wasnt anything bad it just make me stronger to face the future . she knock on the door again afterward . say the cloth is at the door step . I proceed to dry myself and ajar the door abit to take the cloth . it was her cloth again . this time although it is fresh , I take a snif . it was still her smell , so fresh so nice it wasnt a smell you can just find anywhere a girl smell is alway very unique . it make me feel very happy and comfortable . I walk out to the living room to find it squeky clean . I peek through the window , she is pointing at the garbage I wonder what is she doing . so I went out to join her , "hey , yeah the rubbish need to be sorted , we need to recycle it, bottle here plastic bag there . " I just squat and look at her busying herself . it take only few minutes then we are back into the house . she turn around at me and say we going to have lunch at the city ok . I smile and give her a hug and have a real good snif at her . she pat my head . I never want to let go of her , IM really scare
she then give me a sniff as well , it ok dont worry . I let her go , she went to take a bath . I just sit in the living room waiting for her .

we take the bicycle to cycle to city instead of walk , despite calling it city , it wasnt really anything like a city , it was just a small town , this place is actually an island . south is city and harbour, east is factory , north and west is farm nature reserve and mountain . the town is not really big it is those you can cycle finish it in 1 day . heard it size of the city is no more than 20 to 30 km , I wonder lah ... the factory is atleast 40 km , farm and nature reserve and mountain take 70 ... isnt this place smaller than singapore then ? oh well I cant be bothered . we arrive at the city and proceed to a small restaurant . it is a japanese restaurant . but before we go in , she point out that the whole street is food shop , there is italian japanese malaysian europe russian chinese any food I can think of . we went inside the shop and everyone greet her and she just reply with a greeting . we proceed to sit down at a table . she shout at the cook for 2 bowl of ramen 1 garlic 1 meat . seem like I meet another person who have the same attitude like me who cant be bothered about anyone beside us when we speak . indeed it is truth when we start chatting on random stuff . we make so much noise that everyone start to join in . shouting from 1 chair to another the place just turn lively . I dont know how to response so I just join in and we all have a great laught and great fun that day . then suddenly a guy ask pumpkin hey didnt see you on today jogging ? I ask her jogging ? she reply me with , yeah , every morning there is a community jog , we all save money by being healthy and reduce the need to import medicine . nice ... this is just the heaven I want to live in . our food arrive quite fast and yeah there is a lot ingredient inside the bowl . Im beginning to suspecting something amiss , what up with the abundant of food . I ask her what the factory produce since there isnt really anything I saw around me that can be contributed by heavy industry . yeah , she stand up and proudly say with nose pointing high up , 70 percent of the factory produce food , you see those farm ? they are just community service . err , so many community service , she then sit down take a bite of the food before continueing with , after I return from overseas I contacted many peoples that willing to help me , then I help revive the university , then later the RnD develope way of making food in large quantity . temperature control , mix breeding , sunlight control , the most effective way of growing food . ok ... very far fetch but I shall continue eat my food . the food is really nice , I must say this place really paradise . we get complimentary green tea , Im feeling sick of green tea already , yesterday already drink too much from can . then after the food we just sit around and chat . feeling bored I ask her what entertainment is available . she pay up and hold my hand and drag me around :P . we cycle to the next street and she point to me , this is entertainment row . she park her bicycle . and we start walking , there is arcade , there is cinema , there is computer cafe , there is book shop , there is anime shop , you name it , everything here . then she drag me to the arcade shop . this is arcade shop I like to play shooting game . the place quite desserted , there isnt really many patron . as she playing she tell me , all the coin gathered here will be picked up by government peoples who also manage this place , and many of these coin will be generated toward community service . again ...

then we went for a movie , there isnt really a person selling ticket , we insert money , few click on the screen then a ticket is printed . we proceed to the hall and swip the card . the door open and we went in . she look at me in the dark hall , cool huh ? many thing are automated to reduce running cost . electricity is generated naturally so there it is cheap . we watch some random movie ... again ... after 5 movie last night IM kinda bored of it . after the movie , she flex a bit and look at her phone . OMG so late already . she hold my hand and we start to run very fast . I ask her where she is bringing me go . she reply with a just follow me . I saw a large crowd who is waving at us . she greet them back and say , sorry I was a bit late , just showing my husband here around the island . then she walk into a shop I just follow . she give her id card out and receive a jogging gear . and walk to the changing room I presume but then she realise something . how about me ? she then tell me , you need to tell the guy what size of your shoe what size your pant is any all ok , then we will join the community jog . well I register myself at the counter but since IM not too sure what size Im , I look around for measurement tape . as IM searching she come out from changing . ehh what you doing ? I answer with IM looking for measurement tape . she then hold my hand and put me in a machine . this machine will measure for you dont worry . then a paper slip come out . she help me write all the detail onto the registration form . yeah I was scolded by her to get changing faster . lol . OMG , IM jogging ... with a bunch of peoples ... everyone seem to have keen interested in me . start to ask me all kind of question . lucky everyone is friendly giving me real feeling of being connected and wanted . we jogged for almost an hours . before we reaching back the store we are at just 1 hours earlier . take a bath and then we are going to community hall ok . while Im in the changing room which is also the bathing room , a voice was heared from the speaker hanging by the corner . today there is a reason for celebration , pumpkin finally getting married please proceed to community hall . hah ? without my consent is this even legal ?

Im scare to get out of this changing cum bathing room , Im actually very scare to accept another girls love and kindness . for years I have this weird cycle going on . no matter what I do there will be alway a girl for me . like when I divorce with my second wife , I though there wont be anyone for me , I Though I finally broke the chain but no ... this girl from the college I used to study suddenly msn me and we talk for quite sometimes before I decide to leave it all behind run away to this land . even before marrying my wife , everytime sure got some random girl will come and give me support but ultimately there is only 1 outcome they wont talk to me anymore after a while , either they use me for their own purpose or really care about me but thing just happen . there is many time I have hurted peoples with my selfishness , years after years girl come then girl go . Im so sick and tired . but I realise to one fact , if I scare and refuse happiness , I wont find it forever . I shut the water pipe and dry myself before changing into my cloth . I walk outside and she is waiting for me . she give me a bottle of milk , here drink this you will feel refresh , I took it from her and she took the jogging uniform Im holding in my hand and put it in a machine swip my membership card and the machine close and does the rest while she come back to me smilling and melt my heart with her cuteness . she wasnt really pretty , she wasnt really cute , she have a very average look but from her smile you just feel that , she is really enjoying herself . it give off a very strong vibe and very self confident aura but ultimately I know , she is all use to be strong but IM here for her , she can finally rest , so do I , standing up facing all those stupid thing from first and second wife . I finally found someone who open her arm to me . after I finish the milk she cling to my arm and we walk out toward the future lie ahead of us . we both are old already but being together make us believe the road ahead is still long way to fight .

we walk toward the community hall , we can see all kind of peoples greeting us and walking toward the same goal . the community hall is quite big and buzzing with activity . I can see alot of peoples have set up tent outside the hall and is cooking . seem like competition where they want to out perform each other . I walk inside the hall and I can see long table of food and everyone is digging in . they all suddenly realise our presence , me and pumpkin . congratulation were shouted on top of their lung . several religious figure is at the front of the hall where there is several mic being placed . we walk all the way front and greet them , with pumpkin still clinging to my arm which I feel quite uncomfortable to walk . then the father started his speech on the mic . it lasted whole 20 minutes . and it is the buddist monk turn . this is shorter at 10 . and there is atleast few more that last varied from 10 to 20 minutes . she tell me this is only the first part of the wedding ceremony . everyone doesnt seem to pay attention and just continue digging in . only after the religious figure step out of their way for atleast 4 peoples . who I was told by her that the 4 is member of the gov who make decision on the country . aka prime minister . that is only when everyone stop eating and pay real attention . it feel real tense . ahem , so today pumpkin gonna get married huh ... I challenge you on a duel you b0stard ... what ? then he suddenly jump infront of me and start to throw a few punch which I avoid . I dont want to fight anyone in this happy moment . the crowd suddenly go berserk with cheer and noise . she then grab the mic and say "today this 2 peoples will fight to have the right to wrap their ring on my finger , who will it be ?" . I was stunned by the speech , but I havent got time to not react to the oncoming fist , so I tackle him and drop him onto floor and lock him up . "hey what is meaning of this ?" . she reply me with "this guy nonstop pestering me to be her wife , but I dont want not cause I dont love her cause IM not happy with him .IM sorry I cant develope my love for him " . hmm ok ... so I ask him permission wheather I can marry her or not , I put preasure on my lock . he scream in pain ask me to stop but he never say anything about giving up his love . it last 2 minutes before I let him go .

he stand up and look at me unhappy . I know IM weak I know Im not strong but but I have tried my best . I want to comfort him but then pumpkin suddenly jump forward and give him a hug . "Im sorry but since I cant be happy with you I wont be able to find my love for you." . he start to give a really loud cry . and soon the 3 other gov peoples start to give speech . I ask her since I dont have a ring to put on her finger what should I do , but she give me a small ring box . this ring I choose long time ago , I really want someone to put it on my finger . then soon after the speech finish everyone look at us . I can feel the preasure so I took her hand and put the ring in . she did the same thing . then she force her lip onto me and we have our kiss infront of everyone . it was ... real sweet and taste very different , but what more important is how I feel . IM so happy . I hug her and swing her around . we have a real fun together getting married and such . we shall face the forward together and face all challenge that will happen .

After a failed marriege for 2 times , I have decided to leave this god stupid land once and for all , I tell myself no more hurting , no more finding girl . after all how many years left in my life ? I definitely can finish off without anyone beside me . my second wife , wake me up on I no longer have any feeling for my first wife despite I still think of her every now and then but it was definitely failed from start . we are just too different , IM a dreamer she is a realist . she have been hurted I havent . I have the passion to make thing happen she dont . worst still she keep on thinking selfishly that she is helping me by making me forget about her or rather give up on her after we divorce . cause I believe we can make thing happen . we can be together , we can be happy but she decide to make decision herself that I wont be happy with her . whatever lah . her way of thinking have make thing even more worse than before . it is my wrong also for not picking up the signal earlier and stop relying and leaning on her for support . I never believe in giving up . I never believe in nothing is impossible . after all my marriege with my first wife is a worthy story to enter ripley believe it or not for making the most impossible possible . I tell her already she dont love me but I will fight and be with her . she dont have to change anything , I flirt she flirt lah , just treat everything as normal , dont make decision selfishly say I wont be happy with you . her wrong my wrong doesnt matter now . I still quite miss her and still love her a bit ... just enough to motivate myself to be better but not enough to go back to her or care for her like I used to . I move on and move onto this cold land ... god know where am I now . I ask the counter to give me a random ticket to anywhere I can start a new .

let see , I walk around getting myself familiar with this unknown land . it cost me bloody de-bomb to get here and I have no idea where am I . all I can see is caucasion and that flag look soo familiar . then I get out of the airport take a deep breath and yeah it was soo fresh I cant believe such place with such fresh air still exist . I look around me , I believe it is summer with quite humid weather . so I take out the flight ticket which I keep somewhere as to keep surprise of where IM going to end with . it write lala land , huh ? wtf ? HAH ??? HOLY MOTHER , where am I ? I Though that only exist in my first wife brain . f0ck , I look around me , not many peoples a lot of greenery , the road is quite clear and there is several taxi with peoples in hawaii t-shirt and bermuda pant . they look like ex-soldier , scary to be precise . I approach one such fine taxi driver and start with a hi how are you doing . they look at me give me a big smile and say "WELCOME TO LALA LAND , WHERE ALL IS HAPPY AND GREAT" .............. YOU ARE NOT CONVINCING ME AT ALL >< . I want to go home , sob sob . then all of sudden something jump at me and I fall down and this enigmatic figure continue to rub her face at my face . I shout help but all of the peoples just laught . then the figure sit upright and intro herself . "Hi , My name is pumpkin , from now onward you are my husband ok." . then she stand up and drag me by my collar . I didnt really bring any baggage so I guess it help her a lot . oh wait , no that is not the point , the point is wtf just happen ? I stand up and glare at her and shout at her "WHO ARE YOU WHAT THE BIG DEAL ?" . she just look back at me for few minutes before she go "I just answer your 2 question just now isnt it ? " . oh yeah she did ... so I just laught and she start to laught . oh wait ... NO , WTF ... NO NO , what I mean is ... huh ? great Im with another weird girl . I Though I have enough over with my first wife and now there is one standing infront of me . she is taller than me a bit and more well built than IM . scary not the right word , dominated is quite there just on tip of my tongue cant really express how I feel . then she just smile smile at me . so I ask her why me ? she explain in the most stupiest answer ever , cause I like you . yes that is right but wait not right no .... arrggg .... I feel soo fed up I just walk away and she follow me the whole day . seriously IM very irritated and refuse to play with anyone so obnoxious and soo irritating . but thinking about it , I have no place to stay I have no where to go . I turn around and ask her what for dinner . then she give met his really melting my heart smile and hold my hand and start running . I run with her .

we arrive at this restaurant . she was greeted by everyone , hi how are you doing pumpkin , hey finally got yourself a man huh . we sit down at one of the table and she start to order . knowing she is a bit like my wife . I tell her first hand IM vegetarian . she have this super shock face , so naturally I ask uhh ... why ? she hold my hand and with starry eye say so can I have all the meat in your plate ? I just order steak for you . with such a cute face in making I cant resist so I just look other side and say yes . which after few minutes I stand up and realise something . HEY YOU ORDER STEAK AND I GIVE YOU ALL THE MEAT WHAT IM GOING TO EAT ? she start clapping and laughting . I bang my hand on the table out of frustation . arrgg ... wtf ? then she hold my face and make me look at her . dont angry ok , I order something else for you . uhh , I just realise something . for so many years I have constantly avoid the look of any girl even my own wife . for first time I look into another girl eye and ... and ... crap my heart skip a beat , f0ck no ... I want to live my life alone ... shit ... dont ... OMG >< . she then sit back down and the food come . does she have sixth sense or what . infront of me is 3 plate of different cooking way of potato . there is fry potato , mash potato and potato pie . then I start cry , I ... I never have this nice food for so long ... I feel so happy I eat them all like just being release from jail . she eat her steak and spegetthi and constantly look at me . it was quite a happy moment . without her stealing my food I finally can feel full for first time in my life . I would love her steal some of my food but she didnt , I before I finish my fry potato , I ask her if she want any . she say to me , nah it ok , IM filled with your happiness from eating all this nice food . finally no one steal my food , Im soo happy .

after finish eating she order a bottle of something ... I just join in the fun . I ask her care to tell me more about yourself ? she then start with a sigh . opps , did I hit a bad thing ? she tell me this long story which I was unable to comprehend for most of it part . but I can summarize with following : not long after she is born , her parent was apparently involve in a car accident . and she start to live with her uncle . but at age of 14 , she understand that she have inherited a large wealth from her family , but since she is small she need a guardian and apparently this is where her uncle step in . not being suspicious at first but at age of 16 , she was granted a permission to check the log of how the money was spend . apparently her uncle have used up a large portion of the money . she confronted her uncle , and her uncle say it is for investment , he promise a bigger return . being naive and ignorant it wasnt until 21 where she finish her accounting certification and diploma from a reknown overseas university she learn that her uncle have used the money for a lot of personal entertainment and shady business deal . she later join the army without finishing her degree . she freeze her account to not let her uncle use the money . after in army for 3 years , while on battle at somewhere out there , she meet this soldier from enemy force which she quickly recognise as someone she saw often in her childhood that is alway together with her uncle . she interrogate him , realising that it is not accident that cause the death of her parent . it was a well plan murder case . burning with anger but she cool off by finishing her service with the army before going back to her uncle house . but she realise her uncle have flee . thus she take over the company that her uncle left and start to clean it record and as evidence amount of her uncle bad deed accumulated , she launch a worldwide hunt with her connection to the army . her uncle wasnt found until this day but was presumed death . her company apparently is a farming company that own all the farm in lala land . nice ... after she finish her story which is quite lengthy it is my turn to tell her . finishing my story , she hold my hand give me a gentle rub . doesnt matter what the past is , IM here for you and together with you ok from this day onward . I will support you . I smile at her and reply with a gentle thanks .

she then stand up and give me a hug , she tell me , it ok , I understand , I will fight hard for your trust ok , for your love and for your smile . then she sit back down and smile one kind . I dunno can trust or not , no girl say in such a convincing manner to me . I start to sob a bit then she wave at the waiter and ask for the bill . OMG , I just realise I dont have currency for this place . then she smile and say it ok I will pay . after the dinner we just stroll around the place . I ask her about this place . apparently this tiny island is bought by some wealthy peoples from 10 different country . they want to create the world happiest place to live in . and apparently they have succeed to certain extend . election held every years to replace the 10 government administor . everything is legal anything go in this country , as long as you can provide reasonable explanation . she then explain to me there isnt a murder case being let go cause of reasonable explanation so dont try . lol , k IM scare now . there isnt really a great population most of them are experience worker from outside seeking a gentler and quiter and slower life . apparently the peoples here work from home most of the time , personal transport is banned but is an underground circuit for car lover and bicycle is still permitable . public transport run 24/7 and they are permit to stop anywhere as long as it is on their route . so nice ... and the road constantly got peoples not many but enough to make you feel warn and fuzzy , make you feel like you know everyone and yeah she constantly greet peoples non stop and you can never stop hearing hey how are you doing or hi where you going . did I found paradize ? Im not too sure , soon I was sleepy , so she suggest I go to her place to sleep . sigh since there isnt really anywhere I can go so I just tag along . I just hope she dont attack me . we walk half way all of sudden she open her arm . hug hug please . uhh ok ... so I just hug her and rub her head . good girl good girl . it was uncomfortable walk back to her house but I guess it ok . she tell me she is tired of being strong and all running the business , she want to be weak , she want to be care after , she want to pampered . hey same like me ... IM sick and tired of bitting my finger and stand up to my first wife abuse . I though I can be all weak with my second but ...

wow the walk is really long . she live in the other end of the farm . as I walk along I realise there is a lot of silo . she tell me those are compost place . all kind of dung will be collected there even from the city and they left to compost and be reuse again as fertilizer . save cost . ok ... then there is a lot of windmill . the farm is not your typical farm , it is actually quite pack at first glace with silo and such but she explain to me all of them are strategicly place to allow farming , energy , compost , animal and whatever we can fit in to co-exist and maximise every single space . ok ... so not only she control all the farm , she control the sewer , she control the energy production , she control what else ? geez , I really admire her at that moment . when we reach her house it wasnt big at all , infact it is quite small . there is a small garage next to it . she tell me she love how thing work so she constantly ask lecturer from local university to hold talk there and the local arent charge anything for it . we went into her house , it was very simple , with a lot of simple furniture and alot of simple arrangement . it was nice . she push me away and ask me to take bath first . ok ... she give me a new change of cloth and I went to take a bath . there isnt hot water . so I got to endure the coldness . it was fun . as I scream in excitement . changing into her cloth which is quite bigger than my body size I feel soo much freedom . I feel I can do backrool . lol . then after her bath as I was sitting in living room watching the local channel , she sit beside me and say let not sleep tonight . she look at me , a bit too close for comfort I must say and she is itching forward more and more as second pass by . can I kiss her ? is it ok ? is it alright ? is it ok ? is it alright ? OMG ... wtf is this ... then all of sudden she stop and say , let watch movie , dont sleep ok . huh ? finally Im doing something I was itching to do for decade , watch movie all day long forget everything and just be with the girl you love ... yeah I love her ... just a tiny speck but soon gonna be biggest and greatest of all I have ever experience . watch halfway , she suddenly say she is hungry . then she take up her mobile phone and it was freaking latest model from sharp my mouth open wide open . she look at me and look at the phone ... ohh , the government wont accept anything that is not latest , so everytime there is new technology , the gov will import in large quantity , so much that we become distributor in this region . and we will get a large discount due to bulk order . and those old stock cant be sold ? we will loan it to poor country with special discount . so bloody weird . but I start to like this place . well it explain alot about the bloody huge tv and good sound surround system and the comfy sofa . she order pizza ... then she look at me . almost all shop in this island is 24/7 , infact night time is more secure than day time , cause nighttime usuall all those special force retire peoples come out work . they prefer the quieter enviroment at night although it isnt really much different from day .

we spended the whole night eating pizza and watching random movie . it was nicest experience I have ever experience or rather first . sigh ... I finally found the girl I want to be with ... oh yeah forget everything about I say want to be alone for rest of my life , it is a lie

story on temporary suspension
my wife got very angry with me with the excessive information being published despite my best to twist and turn and exagarate even smallest detail and putting in fake information to cloud the real information , so yeah ... got to please her back to happy first before able to continue my story

after sending her go
IM rather lazy ... to wake up early early morning and send the stranger to airport . but my wife insist on waking me up and the kid to see her off . I wonder what the big idea . cant you just drive and send her go ? Im sleepy . but oh well , since she live with us for around 1 week . out of courtesy I just tag along . on the car , which is quite cramp to sit 5 peoples , the stranger hand over me the key to her car . she smile at me and say , this is key to my car , use it as you like , the road tax will expire in 5 years time , dont worry . lol . how the heck you manage to get 5 years road tax ? weird ... on the car , she hand me over a lot of thing , notes , invitation , vip card . she seem like leaving this place forever , which is good . cause I dont want anymore being taken advantage of , being drag around , being call to party and get soo drunk . well she wasnt really a bad girl , she just more excited than my wife and she after so long fighting alone in the war . she tend to get lonely and after all a guy suddenly offered her a stay and such . it tend to get overwhelming . lucky my family accepted her well enough , and get accustome and treat her like part of the family . and my wife in particular like to have more friend and she have reason to hate me even more now . lol . it was all good . honestly , I feel a bit sad having her leave . and in the car we all just joke around talk like per normal . my stomach is growling but the fun certainly fill our stomach . it was a long drive so we take our time and stop by a few stops at the rest area . lol , she bought food from those rest area and soon after a while she got stomach ache . sigh , dont buy food from this stop , it is bad most of the time . when we reach the airport . my wife insist on me helping her carry the thing . ok ever since I marry to my wife , I stop doing good deed , or rather I stop being a nice and good person . Im more oblivious to my surrounding and tend to ignore most of the thing happening around me . at airport , it remind me of the day where the girl who hate me come and confront me and say let talk it over . I was so angry and soo happy at the time , that it was really mix feeling for me . I have to go overseas to study but yet when the plane is about to leave , she appear out of no where and give me an indication ask me dont go .

ahh enough of the past , in the present day , we went to fast food resturant to get a quick breakfast before seeing her off . my wife order for me as per usual and my kid went stroll off somewhere for some reason . leaving me and the stranger a couple moment of private . it was uncomfortable , I have no feeling for her but after what happen last night , I was rather not to be alone with her . I try to break the silence but she spoke to me before I can say a word . Im sorry . I close back my opened mouth and we both gaze at the table . I dont know what to say or do . I holded back a lot of cursing , I holded back a lot of words that I can say just to not ruin the last moment we are together . then suddenly my wife come back and put the food on the table and Im still looking down . and all of sudden she pull my ear . what you did ? she question me . and all I can say is , I did nothing then she turn around and with arm cross and sit on the chair rather angrily . I pat on her shoulder , say IM sorry , please dont get angry she just shake me off . I look at the table , ahh no wonder . I took the ice cream up and with the spoon , I scoop up some and tell her ahh open wide . then she face me and open her mouth . I feeded her 1 scoop and that is , it feel very weird to feed her . I put the ice cream down and ask her which is mine . she point at some random thing and I just take it up and eat without question . suddenly the stranger laught . aww you two are so cute , like small little kid . my wife just laught and they two continue to joke around while I just continue to dig in the food . then my 2 kid come back with a book . then they 2 give the book to the stranger . aww , so cute . my 2 kid then sit down and dig in . I ask them what the book is about . they say it is about a soldier who fight a lonely war discover love in the end . I feel a chill then I look at her , she was looking at me and then I look at my wife who is clearly and obviously asking me dont I dare to go near her . ahh this is such a bad choice and situation and decision , I can go with the stranger and run away and discover new life but here lay my love for my wife and family .

after the breakfast we eat again for lunch . at the same place . but soon it is time to send her off . we finish our food in haste and walk her to the gate . she give everyone a hug . but reluctantly being hug by her . then she walk into the gate and wave at us and dissapear soon before our eye . ahh such a relief , she is finally gone . time to go back home and rest for rest of the day since I know my wife is definitely going out as per usual . but when I turn to face my family . they all were sobbing . wtf ? uhh , why ? who is her ? how can she receive so much attention that have eluded me for 20 years ? she is god ? what is her ? omg ... oh well . so I Just join and sob with them . soon we all walk to our car and drove back home . as as per usual , I was dropped off at my house and my wife send the kid to wherever they all want to go . and I soon wave at them as they drove off . ahh , finally back to the house . finally IM all alone . I look at the car the stranger left us with . I just smile and wish to drove it around . but IM quite lazy . so I went inside the house , and climb the stair , get a change of cloth and lay death on my bed . after a week of not sleeping on the bed and instead on sofa , I finally can relax and doze off in comfy . zzz . I have a dream , I was dreaming of flying off with the stranger to some land and soon a war broke out and we become soldier . not soldier of either side , but rather soldier of fighting and defending our own destiny . the dream clearly spoke what I really wish to do but a bit too late in life to pursue , a life of excitement , a life of challenge , a life of danger , a life with someone who will make me feel alive . I dont mean choosing my current life path is what IM regretting or what I shouldnt pursue , but rather what I have choose now is more tame , very tame , I dont like to supress soo much of my feeling my selfishness . I feel very constricted and restricted . I have my moment of selfishness by laying here and sleep for the whole day . ahh quite nice .

however I woke up just before the sun set . ahh I need to do the laundry , the mattress is starting to smell . I wonder how my wife can evne sleep in it . if I can smell something is bad , then most normal human being will smell it as awfully bad . cause my nose arent really that sensitive and most of the time fail to pick up many type of smell . due to that I believe it contribute to my taste bud where IM quite numb and acceptable to almost all kind of food that is not meat related . I want to hang it dry before the sun go down . once it go down , it turn smelly most of the laundry . after I put everything and let the washing machine do it magic , I sweept and mop the floor . and generally clean the house up . sometimes I feel more like a maid of the house than part of the family . maybe due to my family refuse to help me unless I ask them , or rather they all just make more mess most of the time . ahh I sometimes feel sad and hallow . I feel soo pushed aside but what make me keep it this way is their smile . I can see their smile once they come back , it make me feel very ... blessed despite not being part of the family . sigh , I should stop feeling anything and just do what IM suppose to do , to take care of the house and making sure it is squeaking clean . soon night fall but lucky I manage to put the laundry out before it set down . so atleast a big of sunlight is good , hopefully the wind is strong tonight . I wipe the table , clean the bookshelf and wait for my family to come back . I hope they bring me back food . if not I would eat instant noodle again . which I dont want to :( .

who I love the most
I sleep in quite a bit after last night stupid alcohol drink . I was rudely waken up by my wife . hey wake up you bastard , wake up . when she exhausted diplomacy she turn to combat . she yanked me off the sofa . atleast I believe when I was awoken by the pain of dropping on to floor after her kicking . I was laying on the floor when she stand infront of me . hey you wake up and get my breakfast ready . I just look at her , keep looking while laying on the floor and soon she start to step on me . you pervert , IM wearing pajama you wont able to see anything now get up and get my breakfast . ouch stop stepping on me , I get up in protest against her stepping . and just drift along toward the toilet in blur and hang over . god this sux . I feel like sh*t . swear to god , I dont like alcohol . I was sitting in the toilet quite a bit . before someone knock the toilet door . hey are you done ? sorry I went jog before you , you seem kinda too peacefull in sleep to be waken up . ahh the stranger offering her sorry for not waking me up for morning jog . I went ahead and open the door . and she start screaming "HOLY GOD , YOU HAVE TURNED TO GHOST . " . shut up ... my head are aching quite badly . I cant keep my coordinate straight and seriously having problem with my body control . I went to sit down and banged my head on the table . I hear a lot of noise , most of it like static some are irritating . then I hear my daughter asking her mom . is dad death ? can we finally be rich by claiming his insurance ? I want to stand up and tell her Im not death but oh well I just pretend death let her have her happiness . then I blacked out before I was waken up by something hot at my face . ouch ouch . it is a hot towel . I take the towel out and saw a table with food . my wife was standing beside me smilling like gone crazy . my vision is moving left right up down , oh god , I cant even see straight . but I can quite made out that my wife is wearing apron and house cloth . she is very ... not really pretty not really cute but very feminine . then my wife ask all the kid to eat . and yeah I was looking at the ceiling with my head tiled backward . then I look at my wife . she was busy eating but then she soon realise Im looking at her . she have this spoon inside her mouth while looking at me . and for quite sometimes she just stare at me with spoon in her mouth . then I try to follow her movement as she scoop the food and put in plate for me . I move my head forward . but I cant stop it , Im going to buried my face on the food but my wife suddenly punch me . ahh dont waste the food . and I fall flat on the floor . wow , strong punch , Im impress , say the stranger . let me die will you all ?

then I climb back onto my chair with face kinda hurt and Im trying very hard to sit straight . finally after few attempt like pendulum moving in every imaginable direction . I finally sitted straight . but Im too blurred my vision to catch the spoon . then my wife take the plate and I just look at her .and then she start scooping the food with a spoon and ask me to open wide . so I just open my mouth and she start feeding me . then she smile , our kid can feed themself even from small . you are more kid than them isnt it ? she tell me . I cant be bothered but then she continue . do you still remember the time where you are soo useless and I got to help you ? remember the time we went to bus stop and you almost bang your head ? lol , it is funny ... ahh I feel like it happen all just yesterday . I remember way before that when we first meet when we went for food and such , you are alway there to help me guide me and teach me and accept me despite Im soo useless in most cases . I thanks you even till I die also wont able to repay you back but I shall try my best to make you happy . soon I finish my food and so does the kid . my wife went to kitchen and wash the dishes . when she come out of kitchen , I try to tell her thanks you and Im sorry but I cant mumble it out . I saw her going out of the door and I feel sad , very sad unable to see them off unable to greet them have a nice day or such . I refuse to be useless for her , I want to fight hard , but but ... sigh . I dont know myself either . then the stranger come into the house and sit infront of me . I dont think you can go to the talk today . I shall write out all the note for you ok ? I just mumble at her . she then drag me to living room and put me on the floor . then she sit on top of me . what are you trying to do I was thinking . Im still very dizzy from last night alcohol , darn Im old already even a bit of thing that Im not used to will kill me . then she start smilling and touch me all over . ehh ? help ...you know , Im really jealous , I want to be part of your life as well . to be loved like how much you love your wife . she then start to fondle me . but Im too weak to resist . but then when she start to strip me , I gather all my strength and shout at her "NO !" . she was clearly surprised then she start to cry . Im dizzy but I can still make out what is happening around me . you are cruel , you are the worse man out there , but Im jealous , Im lonely . then she start to cry . ahh , and cry and cry and somehow time just pass . I continue to recover while she sit ontop of me crying and speaking jibberish in what I believe is her mother tongue . I dont know what she is saying so I just think of my wife . please save me , help me someone . then after quite sometimes . she stand up and went somewhere , to change her cloth I presume . after a while she appear back with a fresh face . wow she recover fast and she tell me that she is going to talk and ask me to rest . ahh ok . so I look at the ceiling whole day . gruu gruu gruu . Im hungry .

after the stranger went out for couples of hours . my wife come back cause I can hear the engine noise . Im not as dizzy already but IM still very weak . oh wait ... oh shit , the stranger before she went out she forget to put my something back on . I got to ... ahh , I cant move :( . then disaster strike as I hear my wife open the door . oh damm , be prepare to be slaughtered . then my wife look at me . and start walking away and somehow my daughter appear out of no where . squatting infront of me . and start to point at my exposed area . dad , so small . Im gonna kill her . IM gonna kill her , Im soo f*cking gonna kill her . then she reach for a pillow from the sofa and put it at my exposed area . here dont catch cold . heck despite she is evil she have her good side . she is like her mom , good and evil but can be seen more clearly . while my wife just ... muddle everything she do and you cant really say good or bad . personally I myself love my wife everything , so I cant be bothered . I love how she whack me everyday , how she ask unreasonable demand and just act weird all the time . then my wife come down from upstair with home cloth . and start to step on the pillow . it wasnt pain but I hope she dont step any harder . what you did to the stranger just now ? why you are naked ? hey what ? IM the victim here . then she step harder . I cant speak ... help ... then she make a comment on the pillow . hey this pillow is kinda hard . sure pain if I step harder , my daughter sure know how to choose . ok I take back my word . my daughter is made out of evil , pure and 100 percent of them . then she throw away the pillow and start to dress me up . sigh , if we going to see doctor , atleast cover yourself . she then drag me to the car and throw me inside . then she shout for our daughter . who jump into the back sit and put my head on her lap . let go , she seem excited on wherever my wife taking me to , oh wait she say doctor just now right ? then she start the engine and soon drive off . while on the lap of my daughter . my daughter tell me what she want to be ... she want to be a engineer . oh right ... right ... first is my son who took my dream of joining FFL and becoming a doctor after serving and now my daughter taking away my another dream . ok I dream of automotice engineering but what the heck . then she tell me all kind of story and soon we reach the doctor . where my wife just hold one of my hand and drag me into the clinic . she throw me onto ground and roll me under the seat before registering me . it was empty so I get into the consulting room quite fast . Im just having hang over , what the fuss all about ? then the doctor say that my body is responding very negatively to the alcohol . the doctor also tell me that I wont be able to move for the whole day . maybe only midnight will recover . I cant wait for it .

lucky the doctor is kind enough to lend us a wheel chair as I was sitted on it and my wife just start to push me . come let go eat , my wife say . and so she start pushing me around looking for food . and we bump into some peoples she know from our neighbourhood . peoples was asking what happen to me and she tell them that I got poisoned by a girl Im trying to seduce . everyone just glare at me and give her a hug . it is all lie ... wtf ? then my daughter add in the oil by sobbing and telling peoples that she feel ashame with father like me . ok it is her way of expressing her hatred toward me I understand that but after all this years you still hate me this much this many ? please ... sigh , I just got to continue to prove myself to her . I wont stop fighting since we live together , if she say no to me back then , I would rejoice and drink a full 3-pint of beer and get soo drunk that even being mulled by bull feel ticklish to me . but since she give me a chance I would appreciate it and fight to my best . soon the chat stop and start to push me to continue to find food . she mean no harm in whatever she is saying , I dont really care her for what it is her way of expressing her hate to me . then we arrive at some shop . and we are sitted at a table and start ordering . my wife start to order . I dont understand what she is ordering , cause she speak chinese , yeah sad huh , after so many years of never speak chinese , unless someone go slow and clear with me I wont really get what they are trying to deliever . my wife start to chat with our daughter . ahh it is subject I dont know much or care much . but they two seem interested and happy talking about it so I feel happy also . lol . after the food come , I was just looking at my bowl . crap I still cant really move . then my daughter tell me , dont worry dad , I will fed you , wait till I finish first ok . I just look at her . and she soon continue with her food . so I just sit and wait and look at them both eating . I cant really see my food . I wonder what my wife ordered for me . I cant really speak . I try to move my voice box but it just doesnt move . I can just go uggg , ahh , gahh or something . I cant really move my tongue either . but not like I need it to eat . after all I only eat on 1 side of my mouth , it is either left or right , more toward the left . I sometimes wonder if I eat is the most efficient cause other peoples seem to eat on both side with tongue rotating it . then soon enought my daughter finish eating and she sit closer to me and take the bowl and look at it . then she ask her mom . mom , what you order for dad ? she smile and say SURPRISE ! . uhh ? what is happening ? then my daughter look at her mom who have both hand in air to accompany with the surprise . are you sure ? you could kill him you know . oh wait , insurance ... yes ... then she start to scoop the food and ask me open wide and yeah for first time in my life , my wife decided to be really evil and order a bowl full of meat for me . so I just shut my mouth refuse to open . I refuse to eat meat , I dont want . then my daughter persist . come on dad , open wide , you are hungry right ? this is nice and delicious . no .. I shall resist the temptation . then my wife start to force my mouth wide open , and start to move my mouth in chewing movement . yeah I have been forced to eat meat . I can eat meat but IM picky eater I refuse to eat meat . then after few more bite , I start to feel funny . then I gather my strenght and try my best . vomit !!! , yeah she then put her bowl which is rather big infront of me and I vomit out all the food . it was rather messy and after we pay we went to doctor visit again . lol , this time the doctor tell my daughter and wife , that they have gone too far with the joke , cause my body is acting violently to the meat and it purge all of them out thrugh vomit and the preasure builded up have scar my esophagus and cause irratic rhytm of the heart . my wife just put on frown face . lol . but the doctor say Im going to be ok , just no more thing that could cause irritation to the esophagus like chilli , hot drink and such .

after the doctor visit , my wife push me to a cake shop nearby and we settled down with her ordering a drink and for the kid as well . I want to ask where is my drink but I cant speak , IM still very weak and blur . but soon enough a girl come into the shop head straight to my wife and subsequently they two were making a lot of noise jumping around and yeah I cant do anything but just watch , I wish I can join in but nah , Im not that young anymore , and my daughter is looking at me one kind . she is drinking her drink with a straw sipping it slowly and watching me like a pair of eagle eye . I want to ask her what wrong but ah dont really care not first time my daughter acting weird . I think she inherited all my quirk and weirdness . then my wife sit beside me and her friend sit beside our daughter . then her friend ask what wrong with me . and she jokingly say that she poisoned me cause I went out to see other girl . but her friend believe . ok maybe it is joke to me , since IM once to often used to her random shooting . it alway like this , I got misunderstooded again . oh well not really like I care , I dont want to get near her friend anyway . as long as she is happy who care . Im happy being all alone and able to see her smile . then my wife order a cake . and when the cake come all of them start digging in . it was a medium size cake , cant really see what cake is that . then my wife cut a piece of cake put on a plate and take a fork and ask me open wide . my mouth can move , just my tongue and vocal cord cant . weird . I cant really taste what taste the cake is . not like I care cause I have been eating food that taste nothing for most of my life . but atleast the cake can fill me in . lol and I make a mess of myself . and my wife got to clean my mouth and take the crumb off and stuff it into my mouth . while she feeding me she talk randomly with her friend and my daughter just sit around do nothing . is this how my wife hang out with my daughter ? geez , sooner or later she sure turn like me if like this . I got to talk to my wife about it . sooner or later one of this day . we spended the whole day at the shop . ahh I want to go home , I dont like being outside for so long . sob sob . then soon enough my wife wave good bye to her friend who just stand up and she wave also and went out of the shop . then my wife tell me , hey ... do you still remember her ? the one we sit down just now . uhh what ? I read your blog and long ago you say you like her more than I do . huh ? who is your friend just now ? I didnt pay attention . then my wife took the remaining of the cake and slap it to my face . that is for betraying me you heartless beast . what ? hey what happening ? I cant feel my face , and my whole world is dark but light come to my eye sight as the cake plate slowly slide off my face

soon after my wife paid up , my daughter start to clean my face . I refuse to look around to see what other peoples impression is on me . I refuse to do anything but sit down and die . once the cleaning is complete I was pushed on my wheel chair back to the chair and she didnt on the air-con on this hot day and she just throw me into the car and leave me there while she went to return the wheel chair , ok I though she is going for couples of minutes but no ... I sweat until I become completely dry of my bodily liquid . and I though IM going to die of dehydration , but lucky when I almost pass out I hear a noise of door opening and engine starting . ehh honey we seem to forget something my wife asking my daughter and obviously my wife already forgotten Im in the car or forget about my existance . it was rather agonizing as I wonder what is happening with the silent . my face is facing down looking at the seat of the car directly so I cant really see or know what is happening but after several minutes my daughter spoke softly . dad is behind . oh yeah , my wife just remembered my existance and drove off . and after several minutes , we arrived home and my daughter just drag me into the house and leave me onto the floor . and after that for several I think hours , all I can see is the cold floor and all I can hear is they two playing game on the ps2 or ps3 , or wii , I dunno . my wife bought them , and I never ask or explore them . and yeah finally I can move . finally I can feel the sense back to my body and arm . I climb over and landed on the sofa , atleast it is not as cold as the floor and I just keep on watching my wife and daughter playing some dancing game . bleh Im bored . and finally after the sun set down . they both stop dancing and went for a bath . huh ? why are they going together ? are they bathing together ? I want also :( . IM sticky , look Im dirty , hey !!! . I have been ignored not like I can speak anyway , my vocal and tongue still kinda numb . ahh I cant speak I dont want to move , and all of sudden my son come back . he look at me and I look at him . dad , if you want to pee go toilet . uhh , I look down on my pant . oh god , must be the sweat or I lost bladder control . I ask my son to help me get up so I can clean myself but he just shrug me off . bloody , this is what I get for raising him up so hard after all this years . sigh , so I waited for a bit and the stranger come back and she look at me . stop peeing in your pant . shut up and help me up all of you peoples want to get kill is it ? I ask her to help me up but she also shrug me off . finally I roll over and drop onto floor and with both leg shaking , I stand up and walk slowly to the toilet , wonder how the hell this morning I can go toilet without any problem . weird . ehh I forget to take fresh change of cloth once I enter toilet , so I went out and find my fresh cloth under the pile of cloth that havetn been iron or folded away . Im lazy to fold them . after get the change of cloth I went to toilet to get a bath . yeah as long as there is water source Ican bath without any problem .

after the bath I feel even more refresh , ok I cant still really say anything but I can jump and punch now . neat . then I realise something , why the house so quiet ? and I realise my wife with the stranger and almost everyone have gone out , without me . uhh ... helo ? sob sob , Im lazy and tired , so I went to kitchen to cook instant noodle as not to starve myself for the rest of the night . I watch tv as I ate the noodle with a cup of milk , I dont know why , but I feel nice to eat noodle and drink milk together . the tv is showing this program about home abuse , but not those husband abuse wife kind of thing , it is the opposite it is talking about man who is being abused by their wife . I watch it and ponder upon wheather my wife is abusing me or not . I mean she is causing me pain cause I betrayed her before , she is causing me pain cause that is how she express her liking , I wasnt really being abused ... or am I ? heck lah , Im happy my wife is happy who care . after I finish the noodle and milk I take it to the kitchen where I wasted them and hang them up to dry . then I went back to living room and fold all the cloth , maybe I will iron also , or maybe later . sigh why Im so lazy all of sudden ? next time I wont take anymore alcohol . seriously no , I fall asleep somehow after the show . I have a dream , a dream where I work as a person dedicated to separate all anchovy from peanut in this world wherever there is this dishes call nasi lemak . I wonder what Im trying to do or archieve but I know it is quite crazy dream and I dream of tediously spearating them both . but after quite sometimes involved in the dream I was waken up by my wife . who shake me violently and keep on shouting dont die dont die , you still got to give me money . omg , is that all you care ? I know it is not , my wife just like to talk rubbish all the time . sigh . I then stand up and yell at her , stop it . then she start to sob , why you tell at me , she said before slapping me real hard on my face . ouch . then the stranger shout at us both , stop being romantic and come here and eat . oh yeah I can see the food from far away . nice nice , my wife went out to buy food , so she didnt forget me after all , IM happy . but the sad news is that the stranger is going off tomorrow and she tell me that she got the contract to go overseas to build software and she hand me over the note she compiled and give my wife a cheque and give both my kid a hug before we all retired to bed

why you make me fat
I woke up facing the sofa in the most uncomfortable position anyone can think of . so I just roll off the sofa and hurted myself with uncushioned fall onto ground . ouch . it was quite dark . so I rol around the floor finding anything that can give me an indication of time . and before I found it , the coldness finally get to me . brr . I get up and went to bathroom to wash my face . ahh , I feel so refreshed , despite the sleep wasnt that good . I went to search for my handphone and yeah I found it contain some sms . I open my inbox and found several message from my team mate . they all send me hate letter . lol . aww those kid are so cute . I just delete the mesage off and look at the time at the handphone . well I woke up earlier than I expected . I got plenty of time before I go out jog . so I was thinking something bold something brave something nice . maybe mop the floor , maybe prepare a nice breakfast , maybe do the laundry , maybe kill all kind of pest in the house , maybe observe animal . or maybe ... just maybe ... yeah ... I fall onto ground and doze off . it was a nice dream Im dreaming and having . it talk about Im a dragon that cant breath fire in a kingdom where only fire breathing dragon will have status in the society where they receive highest honour by going to war with their owner . I was rather small and petite but no one ever look at me and give me a chance to engage in combat . but soon someone open the gate to my rather humble cave in the cold mountain . I ask who is that and she is the stranger I have been keeping in the house . she draw upon her sword pointing at me . do you want a chance to see yourself being worthy of your existance ? she ask and I bite the sword . give me a chance and I will prove to you I can be the best dragon you ever have . and so forth we form pet and master status and we went for a war that lasted 8 years . how the hell several hours of sleep can dream of a 8 years event ? puzzle me but in the dream it have depicted what I really want lay deep inside me . the stranger I have in the house is sort of those girl who is my dream , I like girl who can kick peoples *ss and fight for their right and really honest and never once will hide anything . you like you dont like , she will spit it all out at your face . nice

then I woke up found myself sleeping on the floor with drool all over . sigh , ever since teenager I have problem controlling my drool . it just tend to saliver all over the place . then I just took the mop wet it and clean the drool . I went to prepare myself for my everyday morning jog after finish cleaning what I have done . as per usual the stranger is waiting outside the house for me . we start to jog slowly . and I ask the golden question . when you going to leave ? she look at the ground for a moment before jog even faster and I catch up and she jog even faster and finally we are at running pace . it was hectic , she have more stamnia and better build than Im . no matter how you see it , with my background in asthma , it clearly wasnt siding me too favourable . but I try my best to keep up . how can a person who jog for god know how many years lose to a girl ? how can ? lol . my male ego or rather it almost non existance burn up flare high level and I refuse to give in . after quite some times . we finally exhausted and went to the park for a rest . I chatted with peoples as per usual . and those young entreprenur talk about the feature on magazine about me . I just wave my hand in motion where IM trying to tell them , it is just a fluke . just an accident or something . I wasnt that good anyway Im trying to convince them . they all just laught and pat on my shoulder . soon after finish chatting , I went to ask the stranger . are you done resting ? come let go get breakfast for my family . we walk to the shop nearby to pack breakfast . she seem more quiet than usual . I was quite worried about her . but my years of socialization have teach me or rather make me have phobia of trying to be nice and good to peoples . I was hurted a lot thus I have a barrier for myself against the socializaiton world . it is like berlin wall . or whatever that big wall separate germany years ago . I want to ask but Im scare . so we just walk to pack breakfast in silence . the shop peoples ask me who is she and I just say she is relative . not wanting to raise any eye brow that ... uhh ...

finishing packing breakfast we walk back to the house . and she still keep quiet but this time she look at the sky and smilling quite happily . I wonder why . despite I was drowining in curiosity , I restraint myself . sigh . the only one so far being good to me is my wife . I still remember there is one time she worried I feel left out and ask me join in for whatever those time we are doing . once we reach house I saw my wife dancing around the house in her new costume for upcoming event . then she saw me , and she shout at me something . I ignore her and walk to the dining table put the food down then head to kitchen to get plate out . then my wife sit at the chair of the table and look at me , with a very huge unstatisfied face . since she have quiet and calmed down I ask her what wrong . and she start to babble in word uncomprehensionable by most peoples . but what I can make out is . you see , I grow an inch already my tummy , this shirt is getting tigther , all because of you keep feeding me food . wah anything she can find to scold me she will use it and shoot at me like IM the cause of el nino that kill so many peoples . I then squat down and hold her hand . you know what ? you fat you thin , you whatever also , you are still prettiest in my heart ok ? then I peck her hand a bit . I cant be bothered to care with her scolding so I stand up and start to walk off but she soon kick me from behind . and shout at me "stupid" . then she went to watch the tv . I just look at her . and soon I realise the time is running short . so I quickly get a bath and ate breakfast with my family and the stranger who suddenly stand up while we all are eating and announce that she is going to move away this weekend . hooray hooray , I act very calm and casual although inside my heart IM shouting YES !!! YES !!! HALLELUYAH !!! . and I continue to eat my food as per norm and getting very happy . my wife however ... she start to ask dont you want to stay longer ? dont you want to this that . and my son even worse , I want to hear more story of your life , please dont go so fast . what is that ? when I go out station you all celebrate , when some random stranger who I dont even know her name still are dissapearing from our life . you all act sentimental and ... and and ... arrgg ... this sux

soon it was time to send see my wife driving off with the kid . this scenery never change and it alway the same . and usually if I got work I would go out to train station by now but since Im having talk I dont really have any work . then when I went into the house . the stranger was talking on her mobile phone and when she saw me entered the house . she ask me to come to the phone . so I just comply despite having a bit of caution . I put the phone to my ear and start listening . and the person on the other side of the phone introduce himself as president of a huge company with several branch overseas . he is telling his system got some bug and problem that is affecting the sales a lot . and he want me to troubleshoot and optimize the system for them . ok sure no problem I tell him . so I schedule it next week . and after settling down on a time and date to meet up I hang up the phone . I ask the stranger how you know him . she tell me that during a visit overseas he was kidnapped and she is assigned the task to rescue him . ah , ok . so then we start working again . this time we sit together and start linking the library and GUI together . it wasnt long before we finish the whole thing and thus we burn it onto cd scribble some documentation and put it inside an envelope . then there is a fill in form that I have to pass together with the envelope . we have decided to put her name but using my adress . cause she show me her pasport , and the adress is 1 line only , army of some nation , no adress not much information either . weird . then as soon as we finish it we drove off cause we are a bit late for the talk already . today talk was quick dry cause they have speaker from rather unknown university but the talk they are giving are rather contraversial , and the university is not well known cause of it nature of challenging everything . but soon I found myself wanting to run away , cause somehow the speech turn 180 degree and touched a subject that permitted me to go pursue my master in a well know university . why ? how he know ? I was walking out of the walk pretending to go toilet . then the speaker saw me and shout my name and point at me . THAT IS THE GUY WHO WILL REVOLUTION THE WORLD . dont look back pretend nothing happen pretend pretend ... and soon my name was shouted . I got no option but to turn around and wave my hand . woah ... everyone go . rats ... and so the talk today ended with me being bombarded with question .

then after the talk before going back we have a small get together . and I was pulled into the get together for no apparent reason . and yeah the location is a small cafeteria in the hotel . the stranger is accompanying me go . it would be rude to not go if peoples already ask you go . I go just to show face . and apparently I was sitted down with some peoples I rather never meet or spoken with in my life . they are professors from some university , well known radical and weird . and soon the subject touch on what I have written long time ago . the stranger ask me what have I written , I tell her I forgotten also . really ... honest , I cant remember jack . and yeah I just keep quiet observing their debate among one after another . it constantly change from compression to communication to bandwith but generally about how to increase bandwith cheapest and most effective wave . I dont want to speak up but then suddenly one of them ask me my opinion , after hearing the debate for so long . I just draw up a conclusion and spoke few rather words that wasnt really processed by my brain . it was kinda stupid infact coming to think of it . and all of them jaw drop at me and start to whisper among each other . great I just have to make a fool of myself . sigh . then suddenly one of them say "yeah why we didnt though of it" . huh ? then one of the grab the coat he is hanging on his chair and give some reason to leave . then one of the with white hair and pipe like einstein say "you are going back to write report and experiment on his opinion huh , dont worry , I will make a breakthrough before you do" then some rather cynical and sarcastic remark being thrown at each other . Im innocent as far as I know . I can be bothered and I just drink my drink which is quite nice . I wonder what it is since it was ordered by the guy who ask me join in the small gathering . I feel quite dizzy after finishing it . and soon one of the guy stand up and point at me . OMG HE FINISHED HIS DRINK . uhh ? again , wtf ? everyone now look at me one kind . I ask the stranger if there is anything on my face but she just shake her head . then everyone start to whisper and they all stand up and leave . so I ask the person who ask me come what happen . he tell me ,the drink is 20 percent alcohol , and was famous for whoever able to finish it first will be the first to receive nobel award in any gathering like this . uhh ... ok ... I stare at him in disbelieve and suddenly I drop down passed out . uguh ...

I dont remember anything very clearly during my period of passing out . I only remember I was at home and my wife putting hot towel at my face . it was blur but it msut be a dream , my wife wont treat me this good , not like I deserve any .

went out with her to see peoples
uhh ... I woke up with a wet hand . slurp ... rat I fall asleep while waiting for my wife to come down to eat the cake . I yawn a bit and strech and went to bath room . then only I remember something . the cake . I pee halfway , stop it , and run out , the cake already gone . I guess she have eaten it all . sigh . I want to eat some too . ehh I need to continue peeing . swt . once I finish peeing and finish brushing my teeth and variety of business in the toilet , I went to get a change of cloth and went out . ahh such a lovely day . not too warm not too cold , and then I saw her , the stranger who is slowly but surely destroying my perfectly happy marriege . she is sitting at her car boot and looking at me . I open the front gate and shut it and ready to go out jog . she shut her boot and jog with me . we have a rather interesting talk that morning . she ask me question about my wife . she ask me how I know my wife why I mary my wife and variety of question . but I just tell her . there is thing I cant say and Im not permitted to say , thus it is the best you ask my wife . I believe my wife opinion and view is enough as now and forever cause no matter what happen from the day I marry her . it is all about her . I have 2 dream in my life , either way is hurting either way is happy either way is fine with me . and to determine which path IM taking . it is all up to my wife answer back then when we are still enemy . will you forgive me ? if she say no those time , I would gone overseas and join the army and live the rest of my life single and seeking for knowledge and helping other hopefully . but if she say yes , I Would do my best to appreciate the chances she give me and work hard till she marry me , if she ever want that is but if she dont want then I would just work hard around her and try my best to make her happy any possible way . I never really tell the stranger much but rather more of how I lived my life . I give up my other dream and embarked on dream of making her happy however possible I can . I start to learn how to cook , I learn how to take care of wife , I learn how to make more money , I learn alot . I appreciate and cherish my wife , I love her really a lot . after the jog when we finish buying the breakfast on our way home . she ask me to follow her tonight . cause she is invited to a party .

once we reach home . I settled down the food and went for a quick bath before eating with my family and that stranger . the stranger ask my wife the question on wheather she can use me tonight or not . I though my wife would disagree cause she alway have been on idea that I will flirt and find other girl . yes I dont want to go anyway , I want to come back and see my wife . what party is that ? it wasnt important anyway to me . regardless of what happen in the party . but noo .... my wife say it ok , he is all your for the day . I was eating my oat halfway and spurt it all out . WTF ? eww , my wife throw her spoon at me . stop being dirty and sit down and eat your food . but before that get me a new spoon . pain you know she throw the spoon at me full force . I went to kitchen and get her a new spoon . all the spoon we have is made out of stainless steel . can never broke break and incase my wife angry or want to throw stuff , atleast they are ... oh wait , I should have get plastic spoon then . sigh . after the breakfast as per usual I see my kid in my wife car and drove off . and then I went back in and saw the stranger infront of her laptop busying with something . I went to see what is she doing . she then tell me about the optimization she have perform on the library . last night while you are sleeping soundly I and your wife dine on the cake while I chat with her about a lot of stuff about you , the stranger told me . ohh ... so it wasnt my wife who ate the cake all to herself , I though she suddenly have that much of appetite , or maybe she have ... who know ? I ask her what she ask about me from my wife , she just say it is secret ... uhh ok , so what you tell my kid ? then the stranger told me about an encounter of her in a mission with the french foreign legion , she also told me that if not because she is a female she want to join them . I ask furthermore about her experiance with the ffl , I get a cup of tea and sit beside her and she tell me her story of the war she have in a team with the ffl . it was amazing experiance and journey . infact before my wife say yes to my forgiveness , I was planning if she say no , then I would join the ffl , I want to have a bit of excitement and finally something I can be proud of and show of . lol . sigh hearing such a tale and experiance from a stranger , it make me feel nostalgic , the good old time where I was young and stupid and rash . soon after she finish her story , I take my laptop out and start coding the gui . and that is how I spend the whole morning . hmm after this week really should go and get another contract . I want to earn more money for the family .

soon it is time for me to leave with the stranger to the talk again and yeah I wont come back tonight I wonder what will her do to me . sell me ? rape me ? holy no ... sigh , but worried too much wont bring any benefit other than wasting time . so I just enjoy the talk . today tea time is a bit traditional , nasi lemak , weird thing they serve . I took a lot of rice and a lot of cucumber and a lot of nuts . dont really like the egg . too much cholestrol in my opinion . I ate only 1 in a day . well try to . the sambal got ikan bilis . I dont like . I cant just take it and give the ikan bilis to the stranger . she is not my wife . and my wife dont like too spicy food , well I believe again . lol . but no ... the bloody stranger decided to prank me with ask me to look away and put my plate full of sambal . I look at and look at her . I tell her I dont want the ikan bilis . cause I can eat spicy thing , no problem but the ikan bilis just ... ugghh ... so she ask me to give her all the ikan bilis . swt , so I start scooping the sambal and give it to her . yeah I give her the ikan bilis and sambal as well . I hope so much she cant eat spicy thing and yeah she cant . once she put inside her mouth . she look at me . this thing is spicy , she say it with her mouth full and shoot bullet of rice at my face . then she put down the plate and head for the drink while I just wipe my wife with tissue . atleast my wife have more table manner and dont talk with mouth full . so I start scooping her sambal off and just leave her with the ikan bilis . she come back after a while and start fanning her mouth with her hand . lol . hot hot hot she say . I just smile at her . darn she is as cute as my wife . after we ate for 20 minutes I saw a large queue at the water area . apparently almost all participant of this talk cant eat spicy thing . soon the talk start again and the organizer start apologizing for the too spiciness of the food . and the talk continue , and let fast forward until end of it cause there isnt really anything interesting to talk about the talk . after the talk end , the stranger pull my hand and we went outside of the convention hall to a rather quiet place and she took out her hand phone . and start punching number in . I walk away a bit to give her privacy to talk and I start reading whatever to read around the area . sign board , direction , warning notice and such . soon the stranger finish her talk over the phone and come over to ask me to follow her . then we head to the lift and press the up button . weird I though we are suppose to go down . and inside the lift she press the top most button . huh ? I ask her where are we going ? she say we are going to the party hall upstair where only millionair and stinking rich peoples can attend and held party . wtf ? I should dress nicer and refuse to come a long . I have this kinda hatred toward rich peoples . dont know why , it just happen .

once we reach the top floor when we walk out there is 2 peoples standing at the door infront of us . and the stranger just walk calmly and take out a card from her wallet and the 2 burly bloke open the door and we just walk in . wow , wtf ? Im being bombarded by shinning material . peoples wearing sparkling jewellery , shinning light bulb , shinning peoples teeth . this isnt place for me , I feel so out . then the stranger hold my hand and start pulling me here and there and intro me to everyone . she intro me to few president of company I heard before . they are rising start of industry . and their wife is here as well . and they all start teasing the stranger wheather Im her little play thing or not . Im too lazy to bother and she just giggle and I just drift off somewhere in my mind while she busy talking with those peoples . sigh , and soon I heard something Im interested . ohh your little play thing is a contractual programmer ? coincidently Im finding someone to optimize our system . I quickly nod to him . and I start to intro myself . but the moment I say my name they all step a few step back . I though I say something wrong and quickly apologize . then they say no no no and start to pull the stranger to a side and start whispering and look at me one kind . uhh ... what is happening . after a few minutes she come back at me and pat on my shoulder and tell me that why didnt you tell me you are this good and well known ? I though of attracting more contract for you , sigh waste my time . huh ? I just look at her with 2 eye bulging out , what well known ? what this good ? I dont get anything is happening . she just shake her head and went off without me . sob sob . I got no transport to go back so I just went to the eating table and start to dig in . I must behave and act very well mannered since this is a rather high class place . all the food are rather , too tasty for my liking , even the potato taste really nice , how can they challenge my cooking so openly ? I must meet the chef and demand a fair trail . oh wait what IM talking . after I realise IM being silly I dig in the different type of food . there is potato , there is bread , there is soup , there is ... alot , too many to mention , I should bring my wife here . she would be happy . I wonder how is she doing , I want to sms her but scare to disturb her . then someone notice my present and start to intro themself . and the moment I say who Im , they back off and give some weird reason to excuse themself . I was wondering what wrong with all this peoples . then suddenly a person shout my name . ah it is one of the big client I use to have . I have helped their company turn around . not only I offer programming but I helped them plan their strategy for the company , somehow it work , I just bla something out you know . and the client start congratulating me and stuff . I was wondering why . so I ask him why everyone act so weirdly toward me . she then give me a copy of some magazine . he ask me to turn to a page . so I start turning and I found the bloody big title with my name on it . the god , huh wtf ? then the smaller caption below the stupidly humongous title . the one who control destiny . uhh , I start reading and it describe me in a very wrong way .

"all his investment return 20 to 30 profit"
uhh ... I got reliable and trusted information ?

"project heading the death was turned around by his decision making."
tried and tested method work furthermore following the logic of programming it should work

"one time a company step over his tail and it went bust"
hey that company used my programe for profit purpose while in contract clearly say for internal use , of course I sue them but the amount compensation for damage is not determined by me and by the time I know and receive the amount it is too late to say holy f*ck .

"company that he refuse to help was determined to be doomed"
I reject many company and a lot of them have poor leadership unclear goal and weird requirement . not my fault !

and ton other weird comment and untrue story . so much untrue that no wonder all this peoples avoiding me . they all think IM somekind of god , I say die they will die or something . sigh , I have been wrongly accused of many thing and now sitll haunting me . give me a break and then suddenly I heard a loud sound . there is a stage and someone apparently have step up to it and announcing something . cant be bothered just eat . bla bla bla , then suddenly all the light dimmed and a single stroke of light shine at me . and I was busy gulping down the food . uhh ... imagine me with piece of food being slurped into my mouth and the light just shine at me . what ? never see peoples eat before ? then the announcer ask me to come on stage . huh ? no , dont want . then some guy take my plate from me and push me onto the stage . everyone start clapping . uhh ? what should I do ? Im scare , I want my wife :( . then the announcer ask me say something make a speech . so I go ... uhh , hi everybody hope you enjoy the party . then I wave my hand . and there is a cold long silent . I was sweating all over thinking what to say and what to do . so I cought a bit and yell . LET PARTY !!! . and soon everyone just shouting something . and the announcer take the microphone from me and I get down the stage and went back to eat . yummy , there is fried rice . then some music start playing . and some girl ask me dance with them . I shake my head and tell them Im married and Im forbidden from touching other girl . then the stranger come slap my head . I yell at her for what is the big idea . she then tell me to go dance and forget my wife for a while . then I Tell her how can I forget my wife for even a single bit ? she then shake her head and then yell . everyone , here is a guy who is scare of his wife and then suddenly all girl surround me . ahh so cute , no way and all kind of speech throwned at me . and they all start poking me rubbing me here and there . I have been heavily harassed thanks to the stranger give them all impression IM still small kid . sigh IM tired and soon the party ended with me hiding someone . the stranger pull my hand and say it is time to go home .yes finally Im tired .

once home I just slumped on the sofa and die . tired !!!

buy her ice cream
last night is stupid , I was forced to eat my food in a tiny corner of the house with a bowl filled with water . Im not the family pet , furthermore I didnt do anything wrong , it all just misunderstanding bad luck and such . no use try to convince my wife while she is this angry . tomorrow buy her ice cream and see how it all go . after the dinner , she and that stranger went to watch tv and talk variety of topic . weird , my wife is weird , oh well , I got to clean the dishes up and after that help the kid with their homework . I can still do form 1 science quite well . but then my son start to correct me on variety of issue . I guess Im not really into mood . I apologize to my daughter and went to corner of the house surf internet in sadness . sob sob . why my wife still dont trust me after so long ? I want to cry but I just sob to myself . then I feel a pat on my back . my daughter offer me a box of some critter . I pat on her head and say thanks to her . I ask if she finish her homework , after she make a few nod . we both put a carpet on the ground and watch the insect together . I dont even know what Im looking at but I appreciate my daughter trying to cheer me up . we watch the insect for quite sometimes . before my wife start to call our kid to sleep . and so I ask my wife . where should the stranger sleep tonight . she just smile and say Im going to sleep on the sofa today . huh ? what ? no no where she , oh wait ... heh ? so she and my wife walk to upstair and Im just downstair trying to comprehend what is happening . ahh the stranger which I dont even know her name taken my place on our bed . sigh . I took my lappy and sit infront of the television and start scrolling and surfing the internet for a while . I remember the job opportunity , hmm I wont be going but oh well might as well send for a review . I dig up an old anti-virus that I have created long time ago . dont remember what it is for anymore , so I start the library up and start to dig into the code I have written , it was documented quite well . and there is alot of thing I have forgotten about it . then after a while I start to see a few flaw and start optimizing the library . after a while I start to yawn , this must be created when Im young and stupid and naive . cant understand most of the code already . I turn off the tv and my lappy and sleep on the ground by putting a carpet . I have back ache whenever I sleep on the sofa , no more sofa . welcome to the hard ground and cold night . and I hope my daughter critter dont escape if not Im sure wake up dead man . lol . I want my wife to tell story to me when I go sleep too . she only tell our daughter . and even form 1 , she still telling . I want so many thing but I guess I cant ask for so much

I woke up the next morning quite sleepy . must be cause of the bad sleeping position or something . ahh , cant be bothered , I walk to the bathroom and I bump into someone . who would awake at this hours . I look infront and all I saw is 2 pair of leg and a panties . uhh ... then the stranger stand up and say to me , pervert . NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . WTF ??? arrgggg
I give up this must be a dream must be !!! I shout so loudly that my wife come down and slap me ask me to shut up . then she went back up to continue sleeping , ouch ... I guess this isnt dream after all . I get changed in the bathroom and prepare for a morning jog and the stranger already outside taking something out of her car . I walk outside and ask what is she doing . she say she is going for a jog . darn , I forgotten she is military peoples , must have some kind of weird hobby . I start jogging and hope to leave her behind before anymore weird thing happen . then she chase me from behind ask me wait . I ignore and run faster and she run even faster and I run even faster and soon I found myself being chased . we run for quite sometimes before I lost my step , fall onto ground and cant get up , I have exhausted my whole body , I cant get up . then she sit beside me and tell me that is a good run . I look at her and ask what she want . she look up the sky and tell me , I want to experiance a good family life , then she look at me and smile widely . she get up and pull my hand ask me to get up . fine fine . I get up and I tell her what my usual menu is in the morning , thus we walk to the park and greet peoples there and yeah , she seem to have a natural talent to make peoples feel comfortable with her . soon the old peoples ask me if she is my sister , I shake my head and say no and the youngster ask me if she is my mistress . I say no ... 100 percent no . then after the chat we walk together to the shop to buy breakfast . we start chatting on the walk there . she tell me ever since small she is in the army cause of her homeland got problem of this and that and after a while she run away but got captured and was mistaken identify as another country personal and soon got deported . and being small and young and dont know anything but killing peoples she was soon enlisted into army but the peaceful country she have been deported to allow her to pursue an education . she was soon trained in engineering , and then she study for computing . wow . my dream girl like just appear before me . this is a test , propably the worst test I have in my life to make my love fall . but I wont give up so easily . then she tell me she is jealous of me and my family . so warm so happy together . yeah right . after we bought breakfast we went back home . with the usual scene in my house . lol . and finally I got back a seat in the eating table . and we all discuss our daily schedule . she just blend in like our sister or something . after breakfast I look as my wife drive the car out and I close the gate . I wave at them and stretch a bit before went back inside home and look at the library of last night I stop half way .

after a while the stranger sit beside me and I start to feel uncomfortable as she get a bit too close for good . she start to point and tell me thing about my code that I dont get it . and infact she say in such cryptic manner that it took me quite sometimes to understand . I ask if she have been in security field of computing for very long . she explain that in military they are drilled to perfection in this kind of thing . ah , I give her look at the code , she nod for about an hours before telling me that the code is quite acceptable but need few tweaking . she ask me to design a graphic user interface while she will tweak the library . I havent write graphic user interface in C language for so long that it took me quite sometimes to start back . I used to java already but the logic should be the same . while she work on the library and I work on the gui , she tell me about the opportunity and she say she want the contract . I stop for a while and think about it . rather than thinking I should help her to get the contract , I was thinking of getting her the contract so I can kick her out , after all she will go overseas if the program is a success . I work even harder to kick her out by then . we work on the software for quite sometimes and the soon realise we got to go to the talk already . we save our document up . she working the library in her own laptop . and I work on my laptop . we are connected with the wireless network I have established in the house cause to allow my wife to surf internet from anywhere in the house . then I change into something and soon climb into her car and we drove off . she drive very fast , corner at speed I never imagine before . I ask her about the car . she say she other than being engineering was trained to drive like a rally driver as to quickly mobilize for any action that require an engineer . the car she say she build it herself at a friend house in another state . it was fully rebuilt from scratch according to specification she want . then I ask her what thing she built in , she start to tell me a list of thing I never imagine to put into the car my wife is driving . she maximize every single cubic inch of the car engine and still very save on petrol and didnt sacrifice any comfort . amazing . really amazing . I want to buy her car or rather ask her build for me . but oh well I need so extensive modding for what ? I just want a daily drive . soon we arrive at the hotel again . we went into the talk . and soon spended our whole day there , this time she didnt lean on me when I eat in corner . infact she pull me around the table and point at me different history behind different type of food and how they are eaten how they are made and such . I get quite tired from her pulling . she is 100x times more easier to be excited than my wife . I have enough of over active girl . leave me alone , IM tired :(

the whole talk today is quite entertaining , I get to know a few more tip and trick in security programming . maybe I Should get into this line , but I get into this line , I would be too busy for my family . well not really like my family need my time or my presence . my wife is doing fine enought but in my whole life I never want anyone , not friend not god not anyone but peoples I love and care who is my wife , my daughter and my son . I dont know how to make friend but neither I want to know how , cause from all my past experiance with friend , all of them are hurting at best . I would get to know how but not this current time period . thus I dedicate all my time and energy to my family . who I try my best to give them happiness . after the talk end , she grab my hand and yeah , we head back to the car and soon we are driving back home . I ask her about the talk today , she give me few feedback and critize a bit of the presenter and I get few more logic idea running in my head . I love being programmer , it allow my curiosity to run wild . I have worked with many company , I gained a lot of different experiance throughout my process of creating system for all those company . after she finish talking about the talk , she turn the topic to car . she ask me if I have modify my wife car . I just nod and tell her what I have modify . she seem interested to have a bit of tweaking of the car . and soon she take a detour to somewhere . I ask her where are we going , she say she is going to take some stock for the car . she ask me few more question about the car , and yeah she snicker a bit and tell me she is going to make my wife car even faster . we arrive at a shop and found a parking space . we walk into the shop and she soon start ordering item from the shop keeper . she get all the high end tuner item that I dont even think of getting cause it is more of a want than need . I ask her if it ok to get those thing , since I wont have money to pay her back . she just smile and pat on my shoulder and say this is my thanks for letting me stay and experiance a warm family . and soon after we get all those stuff we head back home . and yeah as usual my wife is already at home . she look at me and the stranger and then continue back to watch her show on tv . oh my , she is really mad now . I ask her permission to use the car . she say go ahead and I ask my son to follow since he is interested in car . I tell my wife Im going to buy food from somewhere . her favorite food that is . she then just lay on the sofa . honey , I know you are drooling , stop wetting the sofa . she stand up and throw a pillow at me . I wave at her and went out .

on the way to somewhere to buy her food we take a quick stop at a petrol station , she already unload all the stuff from her car to my wife car and she start installing . bypassing the electronic , she yanked out all the cheap equipment , and start installing the expensive model . she say she want to drive the car . ok so I tell her how to go to the place where IM going to get my wife dinner and soon we head off . she was rather busy tuning the car and driving the car . but then suddenly she drop the devices onto somewhere at a traffic light and she start revving the engine a bit . when it is green light , she just push it full throttle , the car just scream performance . OMG , I never expect the car can do this kind of thing . she tell me the cheap engine management system is limiting the performance of the engine . seriously the car feel more alive and was way faster too . wonder if my wife will scold me for this . then once we arrive at the place where IM going to get the dinner . she ask me to go ahead and order , she pop the bonnet open and start fiddling the thing inside . I dont really care as long as she dont break the fuel economy and the realibility it ok . my son stay back to look around and ask alot of question . I was thinking of my wife all the time during the waiting period for the food to be cook and packed . I tell the store owner I will be back . and I went out to search for cake shop . I want to buy cake for my wife . I really do love her I want to tell her . soon I found a cake shop and bought a cake and went back to the shop to collect my food and when I reach the car , the stranger and my son is already inside the car . I climb onto the car and strangely there is no change to the dashboard . then she drove off , she tell me that she change the supercharger to a newer version that have variable gear setting . and she show me a knob below the dashboard . she tell me that the knob got 3 setting that I need to know , 1 is fuel economy as name say , 1 is highway drive , 1 is performance . she then tell me she know who is the only person that will put supercharger on this car but he use a rather old version of supercharger cause malaysia rarely have peoples use such thing . the new supercharger allow for more broad tweaking and better fuel run . while in fuel economy , the supercharger will change it gear as soon as possible as opposite to performance which wait till the supercharger rev sky high only change . the highway run is to disengage the supercharger mean not running on supercharger . and yeah on the way home , the fuel needle drop only so slighty that it is unoticeable . lol . and the engine management system is a standalone unit and it can even control the variable timing system of the engine . amazing .

then later that night after dinner and the kid finish their homework . my son ask the stranger for a spin in her kancil . and Im too lazy to follow thus she and the stranger went out for a spin . I ask my wife if she trust her , she just tell me that she rather trust the stranger than trust me ... whatever . and soon after like 30 minutes or more . they both come back and my son tell me she want to join the french foreign legion . uhh ... wtf ? I ask the stranger what the big idea . she just put a peace sign at me . I ask my son why , and all he can say is , cause it seem fun . there is no fun to the war . omg . but it is getting a bit too late to pursue this manner . I ask my wife to put the kid to sleep and come down . hehehe I got surprise for her . and so I took out the cake get 2 plate and wait for her . yeah but I was tired and soon fall asleep . unable to keep awake to wait for her . sigh :(

I have to stop
woken up by a natural of habit . looking outside the window I was greeted by yet another fine and wonderful day . I can hear the bird chirping , I can hear the dog running around doing their business . I can see peoples going out early jog , it is soo peaceful and tranquil that Im imaginating in my mind an alien coming down and invading earth . yeah Im bored , cant stand too peaceful . it just make me feel ... sick . ahh , Im not young anymore , I got family got to stop thinking of stupid thought . yes , got to stop . I went to bathroom and get ready for my morning jog . after whatever I have done in bathroom I went down to get the money before going out . hmm , my wife never ask for anything special , she just leave money today . Im going to buy her vegetarian food today . lol . buy her a lot of vegetable and fruit . I dont really know her daily diet so I try whenever I can to give her a good boost of vitamin fiber and stuff . furthermore , the vegetable and fruit should help her digestion , so she can stay in toilet longer and not torture me everynow and then . lol . I went out jog as per usual . then chat with peoples a bit at the park . hmm , I got few insider tip for latest investment scheme , but I wasnt too concern , not really interested in taking risk , as I say early , Im not young , ever since I let go of my dream for my wife , Im a turn over man , I cant take risk cause I cant afford it . any wrong step and I will land my family in trouble . now we are still good . enough eat enough sleep . after the chat I went ahead to buy breakfast for my family . today they got vegetarian peanut porridge , I wonder if my wife will full from this . I buy 2 packet for her , just in case and heck I can eat them if she dont want . I buy all vegetable today , no fry stuff , no msg , no nothing but as natural as like it was created when the earth is born . then I buy some fruit from nearby mini market . I keep fruit on the fridge , but I wonder how often they eat it . since I eat it once a blue moon , but I restock it whenever it gone low and it alway gone low after a while . I like to buy varied of food , once a while apple , once a while orange , once a while watermelon . there is 1 time I buy leek and my wife is screaming at me . what wrong with eating leek ? I mean it is nice and delicious , well I eat anything I can get my hand on except meat . when I arrive home , it is business as usual , my son running around to find his stuff , my wife lay on the sofa watching tv and my daughter just watching whatever insect she got . ahh soo routine .

I told my wife that I got talk for this whole week on afternoon and she ask me where is the location . ehh yeah oh , where is it ... hmm , omg , I dont know where the place is , it is written here somewhere in middle of no where , actually it is somewhere far away where public transport is like rain in sahara dessert . it come inn 100 years . sh*t . I look at my wife and she say no , you cant use the car . sob sob . so I got to get out of the house earlier than usual , I dont want . Im lazy . oh well . then I watch as my wife drive to work and send the kid to school . I wave at them and close the gate . I was looking at the house . how nice it is to have another car . yeah my son want to have a car anyway , I remember he say he got some amount of money . thus I log onto internet and find some cheap car . the current car we have is rather maxed out already on potential and performance . I cant go any further without sacrificing comfort . I found some rather cheap car to buy and most of it is cheap to maintain as well . since my son is young and Im feeling young , might as well buy a race prep car with stiff suspension , load of power and yeah , Im looking at a kancil :( . there is 1 for 3k . can ask my son to buy and I can modify it . think about it , sleeper car ... 80 hp from 660cc engine . yummy . ahh but got to discuss with my wife and my son first . somehow while Im drooling on bigger car and faster car . time fly and I realise I better go out before it get too late and knowing the public transport timeliness , I better be well prepare . thus I went to bath and wear something and went out . in the train I constantly think of the cost of getting a second car . should I buy a small car or a big car ? my current car is actually quite ok for 4 peoples but once it climb to 5 peoples , it get bit horrid and it cant sit 6 peoples . but how often we sit that much peoples ? It would be easier for me to meet peoples and discuss business anyway . yeah should buy a kancil . then I just double weld the whole car hopefully it is more safe . finger cross ... ahh my station is here . I hop off and run to catch the bus .

the talk begin with someone from overseas talking about work opportunity . this talk doesnt just talk about current security it seem . it talk also concern about latest job opportunity in overseas . they ask us to submit to them any security software that we have written before for review before determinin wheather we will be hired for them or not . fine ,that is fair , but since Im not going overseas , might as well forget about it . then after several talk for some hours , while I was getting sleepy , suddenly it is tea time . huh ? got tea time ? yeah ... there is , darn I should read the schedule more carefully . the tea time was rather simple , some drink some cake , most of the thing I dont drink or eat but since it is free , I might as well take . when I start to dig in , I saw someone rather I dont want to saw . they are the bad egg of freelance programmer in malaysia . they are rude write bad program and they like to cause havoc and trouble more than solve problem . I just hide behind all peoples pretending didnt see them . not like that know me anyway . but then suddenly someone call my name . all peoples here apparently is sended by company but there is few freelance and the one calling me is a freelance as well , from another team . well one of their team member is my team ex-member . they want a greener pasture with someone even more experiance and talent than sticking with my group . lol . I just greet them normall say hi and ask how they are doing before move along . I want to eat my food :( . then I found a perfect corner of the huge hall that guarantee no one ever will notice me . as I open my mouth suddenly a girl stand infront of me and lean back and before I can say anything , she crash onto me and we both fall down and this is stupid . and my food , omg my food is all over my shirt . sob sob , I just want to eat in peace why you dont let me eat in peace . I start to sob looking at the food .

the girl look at me one kind and start laughting . omg I never see a guy cry over his spoil food before . omg . hahahahaha . grr , I want to kill whoever this girl , kill kill kill . sigh , I stand up and walk to the bathroom but then suddenly she ask me to stand right where Im . and suddenly the talk resumed with someone blaring loud horn . geez . then whoever that girl is grab my hand and pull me . and ask me to sit beside her . huh ? I wasnt thinking of anything that time . heck I want my food :( . I sit and listen to the whole talk with stained shirt and an idiot girl who laught at me while clearly she isnt looking which is clearly her wrong . sob sob . then after the talk is over the girl grab my hand and pull me again . she pull me out of the talking hall into a lift press a button and pull me into a room and all I care is ... food T.T . she then throw me a towel ask me grab a bath . so I just comply , but in the bath with warm water wetting my face I realise something all of sudden . oh sh*t , wtf Im doing here in a hotel room with a girl who I dont know and Im taking bath . and and ... how am I going to explain to my wife ? how how how ... oh darn ... after the bath I open the door and shout is there any spare change of cloth . and I was waiting with my hand sticking out in the slighty ajar door . and well ? then suddeny the door fly open banged into my face quite badly and I fall onto ground . she kick the door wide open and hand me some change of cloth . I cover my nose cause it hit my nose quite badly . ouch ... thanks ... Im very lazy to deal with her . I just want a change of cloth and go back home . then I stand up to close the door as to permit myself to change but as I stand my towel drop . and I didnt realise until when I grab the door to close it . and she tell me , hey your thing is making public appearance . omg . the thing that my wife never saw is sawed by a total stranger . I just slam the door as hard as I can . wtf is this ... I quickly change and get out .

then I ask who is she . she tell me she is overseas enginner in army that have quit and starting to get involve in programming . ah , she apparently in malaysia for quite sometimes just for heck of it . and the random thing I just got to stop and keep my mouth shut just come out all of sudden . since living in hotel can be quite expensive , why dont you stay with me . she then jump up and give me a hug and say thanks . I say no problem but the moment I say no problem , I realise something . oh sh*t Im not living alone . how I tell my wife . if she saw I get a change of cloth , she sure make noise . and I bring a girl back someone . how I settle this ... how . while I was thinking . she is busy packing her bag . then all of sudden I realise I can say no . so I turn around try to face her and with a determined face I shall say no . but no ... she already finish packing and with a smile ask me to faster . sh*t how to settle now :( . no choice Im a man , I got to deal with what I say . so I help her with her luggage and she press basement instead of ground floor . I was wondering why . then in the lift ,she turn to look at me , ok IM scare . then she ask if I know how to drive . uhh yeah I know why ? she say it is nothing . then I just follow her lead in the basement . she then press a button on her keychain and yeah she have a car . a rather tiny small car , it is a bloody kancil . I sit inside and it is quite small but quite ok . she then ask me where is my house . so I just tell her where it is . and she drove off . wow , the car is quite responsive and quite fast and she is driving ... uhh ... scary ... OMG , I saw the flash of my life before me , I though Im going to die ... I ask her to drive slower but then she say , life only 1 times , if we scare so much to die we will miss out alot in life . I dont care about what I miss out , Im just worried about my family . now slow down . this is a bloody kancil , not race car ... help . I almost wind down the mirror and scream for help . but oh well , I just shut my eye and pry ... and pry so hard that her driving wont kill us both . and yeah soon after , we arrive at my house . and my wife is in . and yeah how long she going to stay ? ahh my life is crumbling right before me .

I took my key out and open the door slowly . look left look right then my wife push the door and wedge my head betweent the door and the wall . ouch pain . then she ask me what for dinner . I say Im going to buy now but before that open the door first . she open the door and saw the girl behind me . then look at me with my new change of cloth and she look at her again . and then she scream at me , you cheater you promised me you wont find other girl , I want a divorce , and then slam the door shut . oh my , then I knock on the door and tell her that she is my working mate and she is from overseas and she need a place to stay and this and that . then she open the door , and ask her is it really the truth . she the girl who send me back say something she really shouldnt say which is , ahh I saw him naked just now . I cry in disbelief , well I really did but that is accident , then my wife start to sob and give me a real hard punch . and I just fall onto ground . let me die . then my wife invite her into the house and slam the door . I just lay outside and die , I want to die so badly . sigh . then after couples of minutes I heard giggling and laughting inside the house . the door open and my wife ask me stop pretending to be death and go buy food . ok fine , she give me some money and give me a list of food to buy . I just walk to buy the food in disbelieve of what happen . not only I didnt get to eat the food I want to eat , I got molested sort of by a total stranger and now my wife hatred toward me was renewed for another 10 more years ? sigh . I went ahead and buy whatever my wife ask me to buy and head back home . my wife and whoever that girl is giggling and laughing while playing ps2 . I dunno why , I dunno how somehow the stranger just blend in like it is all natural . after I put the food on the table , I went ahead to get a second bath . and they all start eat without me . and my chair is taken by the stranger girl . I ask my wife where I sit . she just point at a bowl of water on the ground . I just have been downgraded to a dog ? or a cat ? sigh ... believe me , Im innocent

wake up a bit later
I woke up later today . tired from last night not having any sleep . I woke up as the sun already set down . I can hear my son playing outside , uhh cant really hear what he is playing . most propably playing with his sister . he sure can take care of his sister . I trust him . ahh tired , I dont want to get up . and furthermore my wife still sleeping ontop of me . how uncomfortable it is for her to sleep ontop of where . actually only her leg is on top of me . IM scare if she ever toss around . her toe might end up in my nose . Im too lazy to get up . so I just lay there and wait and wait and wait . and finally my wife woke up . and she just turn around and put her head on my body . I ask her what are you trying to do . she just reply me with nothing much . Im still quite sleep let me sleep . fine enough , so I let her continue her sleeping and yeah I soon fall asleep as well . but then soon I wake up as the sky turn dark . I look at the clock and wonder if my kid have dinner already . cant be bothered . so I call my wife . hey are you awake . she move her head and mumble something . she is sleep talking or she is awake . so I just keep silent ... and all of sudden she toss around and look at me with her head on my body . Im hungry , she said . so I tell her , why dont you get up and let go eat something ? then she reply halfway with but this feel soo ... all of sudden she look at me and get out of bed and went to the bathroom . after she finish her business in bathroom , I ask her when she is coming out . this feel soo what ? then she look at me and kick me off bed . enough of that Im hungry . but I persist cause I know she will angry , this feel so what ? tell tell . then she just walk out and I grab her from behind , this feel what ? come on ... tell tell . I rub my face against her face and soon she just shoout pervert and throw me off somewhere . I dont know how it happen , it is just so quick . lol , she become expert in throwing me . after a while I lay down on the stair , she come down and start kicking me violently . idiot idiot idiot , she continue to say that to me with countless number of kicking .

once the kicking stop I just crawl down and with she sitting ontop of me . now carry me down she said . so I comply and just crawl down slowly . and once downstair . she get off and I just stand up and look around . where is my kid ? ahh they are watching tv . I went ahead and ask them if they are hungry . my wife went to kitchen for a cup of water . and my kid tell me why we both sleep so late . uhh ... I come up with something stupid to tell them . you see , you both so big soo independant already , we want somemore fun someone we can play with , so your mom and I are making you both a brother or sister whichever gender there will be . they both look at me for a moment before calling me an idiot and continuing their tv . then out of distatisfaction with the response given by the kid . I proudly say it out loud . what ? you think your mom and I wont make baby together ? then I realise something , I look toward the kitchen area but my wife is standing right infront of me . she smile before throwing her cup of water at me . it is stainless steel btw . I prefer steel utensil as they wont break that easily incase if she want to throw stuff . and I though I can dodge it , I saw it coming toward me in slow motion . I move a bit to the left but I was undecided , so I move a bit back to the right but the left seem more interesting . out of my indecisiveness , the cup hit me full force and I drop onto ground . and she start yelling at me . pervert . ouch ... in the end I got to get a mop to clean the floor off the water . while cleaning my wife suggest we go out and eat since it is still quite early . in the process of putting back the mop , I agree with her suggestion . and ask where she want to eat . she suggest some random place again but lucky it is nearby so we dont have to drive . save money on petrol . we walk to the shop which is located in a row of shoplot . we sit down and as typical my wife order for me . heck I dont really care . Im the only vegetarian in this family , lucky for them as I will give them all the meat I have in my bowl .

after dinner we went home and settle down to digest abit before went back to bed . I on other hand have a bit too much sleep today . so I just prepare stuff for tomorrow talk . oh yeah , the pass for tomorrow hacking convention have been mailed to me . but I will attend the afternoon talk cause I lazy to go for beginner talk in the morning . wonder what more I can learn from there . wish my team mate all happy with it

I have decided
I was awake the whole night in the living room watching randomy documentary . her 2 friend sleep with her tonight . the bed is big enought for 3 if they squeeze and try to compromise a bit . lol . I was thinking about the offer to pursue master and phd and given a job that would make me rich . if I go I would leave them and it would be very long time before I can see them again . I was reading assignment question of some university that is given to their student . and Im trying to do some of it . quite tricky , but nothing I havent saw before . seem like now day all the university are focusing more on critical thinking than blindly lead peoples . I remember my college time . my college alway give me simplest command simplest of all thing and we got to discover the rest of it . either it is cause I alway fall asleep or they are making us more independance and do more self research and make us think more . but Im glad to have enroll in a college where it make me think of solution and logic so much rather than just keep feeding . I look around the house and feel the cold floor abit . ahh if she discover Im awake , she sure say I watch porn . which I didnt for decade . I think my son got porn but heck ... I cant be bothered if he isnt turning into addicted to it . I teach him each about respecting girl and not treating girl as object . I have faith and believe in he can make he right decision rather than like his father . stupid , useless and most of the time annoying . I want to go out eat . I want to eat mamak . I want to eat maggi goreng . I wonder if she will be awaken if I ever open the door . Im not sleepy yet . but Im quite hungry . so I took the key and the left over money . everyday she give me 8 ringgit , if I got special occasion she give me random number and dinner and breakfast she will give me some money to buy food and whatever change there is , I keep , I dont give her back . so I got some money .

I walk out to the nearest mamak and order teh ais kosong and maggi goreng . I dont like normal teh ais , they are too sweet for my preferences . my family have history of diabetic . so I try to control my sugar intake . that why I dont even drink fizzy drink now day . I ponder alot about offer . should I go or shouldnt I go ? then the maggi arrive and I start to dig in . then all of sudden my phone make noise . ouch , it is my wife . why she wake up at this ungodly hours ? I press the accept call button and yeah before I say hello she already screaming at me . relax just relax no need to scream . then I dont answer her for a while and she tone down a bit . where are you ? she ask me so I say Im at the mamak nearby . then she ask me to sit tight and dont move and then she hang up . uhh ... sit tight dont move ? wtf she want ? somekind of punishment ? then after 10 minutes or so . I saw my wife with her 2 friend . since they are going back tomorrow , we decided to not sleep this whole night . uhh who going to drive tomorrow ? she forgotten about the deal ? if I go then she would be too sleepy to drive isnt it ? is she forcing me to stay ? ahh think too much also no use . I just listen to what they are saying and yeah for whole night at the mamak , I cant get a peace of mind to actually think to accept the deal or not with my wife and her 2 friend chattering away . they didnt even stop and think Im here for a second . Im invisible to them . I wonder if I slip away , would anyone notice ? or I rather not cause my wife will kill me if I dont pay my food . sitting here for the whole night or rather morning make me realise something and this something is what make me decided not to go pursue richness . it is my wife smile . I dont want to go away from her . I want to protect her smile . sigh ... I should have knew it , since when I go against my love ? even though it mean ending my dream , starting a miserable life , fighting so hard and yet get tortured but everything is worth it . to fight and protect her smile , yes ...

then we realise we sitted for a bit too long when we can see the sun light . we pay up and walk back home . I can see their luggage already downstair . and thus I just do the honor of loading their luggage to the car and ask my wife if she want me to come along . she dont answer me back . and ignore me . so I hold her arm , ask her what wrong . she just continue to ignore me and run away . somewhere in the house . sigh , she must be thinking Im going overseas thus she is sad or something now . fine I shall force myself to go with her to airport . just for heck of it . after a while she come down with some fresh change of cloth and open the gate of the house . and me ? I just jump onto passanger seat and she look at me . I just smile . hehehe , Im trying my best to tease her excessively this time . revenge is sweet . then her 2 friend climb onto the car and soon we drove off . on the way to the airport , the air in the car is very stiff and very moody and very gloom . everyone is sad , I feel bad for happy all the time . so I just join in the fun . I remembered the time long long ago . I was heading to airport cause I got accepted in an university overseas to complete my degree study . once I arrive . I saw her . my wife , well my enemy back then and she say she is ready to talk it over . yay , so I then tell my mom that Im not going overseas and decided to stay locally to complete my degree . my mom is soo angry with me to ditch my study for a girl that she just walk away and leave me there stranded . but lucky my wife decided to give me a lift . our first conversation for god know how many years of silence . after all she hate me and I dont really like to pursue this matter anymore and so we never talk . until this very moment where she giving me a lift back home . and yeah it all like yesterday , this scenery this road . finally we arrive at airport

we went to a fast food restaurant and settle down to let my wife spend the last moment with her friend . I know where should I Take my wife go next . to wherever her friend is . lol . I know it going to be hard to earn money to go overseas . but I have decided on this and I will work hard on it . then all of sudden my wife walk away . leaving me with her 2 friend . then her 2 friend look at me . one of the ask the question . are you really going to accept the offer and go overseas ? she ask . I just whisper at them . no ... Im here just trying to make it look like IM going overseas . Im just teasing her . Im staying behind .finishing the sentences I suck the straw of the drink that my wife bought . what the ... coke ? did I drink the wrong drink ? but no . my wife took her drink along with her to wherever she is going . then after few 10 minutes . my wife came back . she sit down and hand me over a passport and a ticket . nah , you are going overseas right ? I understand that you still have your dream with you and for once a life , go chase your dream . I will be fine , Im ok . she say it with a sobbing noise . I give her a hug but she push me away and start crying ... uhh , I tease her a bit too much . then I tell her uhh please dont cry , Im not going . then she look at me . and I say to her again , I have decided to stay here with you and try my best to make you happy , Im not going . then she cry and start to hug me . but then after few minutes she sit back at her chair and realise I have been teasing her all along . so she stand up and push me onto ground . and start to kick me all over . god damm it , if you are not going tell earlier . I hate you I hate you I hate you . she give me a good bash and yeah I never feel this much hurting for a very long time . she is really angry now and soon she just walk off and her friend follow her .

ouch ... lucky I bring some extra money , I quickly buy ice cream and chase after her . I quickly tell her Im sorry for being excessive and hand her the ice cream . she just ignore me and continue walking . ok plan B . I go infront of her and knee on the ground and head on the floor with my 2 handhigh above air . please forgive me I have been stupid . it was a crowd magnet of such feat . and she soon found herself surrounded by a huge mob of peoples saying she should forgive me . well Im sorry I wont repeat such thing again . then she just grab the ice cream and say in a very unstatisfy voice of fine fine enough already . come let get going . and yeah soon we send her friend off . looking at them entering the terminal and soon board the plane . then my wife stretch a bit and we soon walk back to the car . and I drive this time and my wife sleeping soundly . ahh I wonder how is the kid . I drive slowly . cause Im quite sleepy as well . want to go back home fast , want to go back home quick , want to lay on bed and forget everything . I just drive with half awake sense . Im still hungry . the fast food arent filling . and the beat up of my wife just burn away all energy I have . I drive and drive and drive . soon arrive at our house. almsot 2 hours 47 minutes later . lol . then I wake up my wife who just walk idly to stair while I close the gate and everything . I shout for my kid but no one seem at home . they must be out . oh well . I race my wife to the bed and I just collapse at the bed sleeping very soundly . and she just sleep ontop of me . gah ... but she isnt heavy at all . quite light for how much I have been trying to feed her . she exercise alot with her arcade activity . I can feed her as much as I want . I believe in her . lol , I will never ever think of she missing meal or anything just to keep fit . she alway just do whatever she want . I love her this way .

spended saturday alone
After last night dinner , we sit down on her parent home for quite a well seeing it as weekend . one of these day Im going to take my money out and throw at whoever say I give misery life to her . the fact is that I have earned enough to get a bungalow and an european car and migrate to western country and yeah we are stinking rich . the only reason why we didnt do such thing is we appreciate our life , we appreciate we are together , we appreciate the moment together , rather than flower our life with richness and such , we rather life like now , like forever , my wife definitely have somewhere in crook of her heart say that she want big house big car and big front porch and own a kindergarden and such . but for whatever reason she might have for not doing so , I believe that she support my stand for giving more time toward family than wasting time away chasing luxury . I strongly believe the bond in family is more important than luxury . I still remember those day where my mom ask me to spend money cause she say I dont spend enough thus I have no life and she often lower my position and standard in family just cause I prefer to chase happiness than money . I dont understand her until now . but I have accepted her just like I accept anyone in this world despite Im against their opinion and action . I disagree and I fight for what I believe but after god know how many years already I havent give up , I just inherited it to my kid . lol . my son is alway rash and quick to voice up if anyone causing other misery , that is how I teach him from small , to fight for what you want and believe and to alway put yourself into other shoe . and my daughter alway she dont voice up much , she would curse peoples in silent . lol . until today , I still believe my wife know dark art and thus my daughter would inherited it from her . it wasnt a bad thing if she use it correctly but ultimately I dont really care . then on our way home . I decided to pop the question to my wife . honey ... why you never buy big house or big car ? if Im not mistaken , we should be able to afford them . then suddenly she reply me with a very irritated voice . you are a programming contractor , how we going to get loan from bank ? you dont have stable income . and my salary cant get approval for such a huge loan . ohh , no wonder ... so I was wrong about her understanding my fight and stand . sigh , such an anti-climax . then suddenly my daughter pull my shirt and I ask everyone to stop for a while . and then I ... ehh ... what the heck , she is as tall as Im already . last time I use to bend a bit or squat down to listen to her . I believe in giving my kid a full attention whenever they want rather than multi tasking . then my daughter smile and say to me . dad , dont worry big house big car , me and brother are happy with how we are . in fact brother say ... then all of sudden my son cover her sister mouth and he start to laugh one kind . hahaha , dad nothing nothing . please continue walking . I was rather curious on what she is going to tell but Im too tired to pursue . so I just tell them that I will pursue this issue some other time . remind me ok . once we reach home we all just get changing and fell asleep soundly .

today I sleep in a bit . I woke up around 11 , way past our usual breakfast time . most of the time I will need to get myself breakfast cause they all will be gone usually . but no ... the moment I walk down I saw them all playing ps2 . I just walk silently pass them and went to the kitchen to find food . hmm but then I saw a plastic bag of something . so then I stand silently behind everyone and wait for them to finish playing before asking the question . and yeah I ask as soon as they finish playing and they all get a scare of their life time . dad stop scaring us like that ... what ? what I did ? lol . I just pretend didnt know anything . lalala . then my wife say the plastic bag is food for me . hmm nice , so I open it and found some food that I rarely eat . it is some fry noodle . very oily got egg and tauge .uhh dunno la I just eat and watch them all play . my son also joined in and he is teaching her sister about the game . I dont really care about my daughter cause I trust her . but it is more of a I cant care about her , her mom have right to teach her and I have right to teach our son . I have been very strict to my son but I cant to my daughter or else my wife would beat me up . but we never really got into disagreement with our method . after all to raise the son . I have bough and read a lot about childhood development book and I have fact and theory to back me up just incase anything go wrong . but so far so good . I throw my son into deep valley very early and teach him a lot about not giving up , about unfair of the world and alot of other thing I dont even remember teaching him . after I finish eating , I took the plastic bag to kitchen and throw it and waste the utensil . then I went ahead and do the laundry , putting the week long cloth all into washing machine . lucky we got a very big washing machine . and it start to grow smell , my wife is very active and she sweat a lot . I do most of her t-shirt and pant . the all other stuff she wash it herself , I do it once and she scream at me and threaten to call the police next time if I touch them again . I dont know about my daughter wearing habit , but I do know my son is very choosy about hygiene . he will change his working pant and school pant every 2 day and shirt every day . but he can wear home t-shirt for week and pajama for month . lol . after I throw everything into washing machine , I just wash it spin and fill it tub with water . ahh so peacefull . I got a front loading machine , I heard it can clean better and handle load better .

after 30 minutes of watching the washing machine work that could bored anyone to death my wife suddenly ask me to come to living room . her shouting is so loud that my neighbour dog and cat start to bark . I bet they are unhapp with someone wake them up after all it is a perfect day to sleep . ahh Im sleepy . then my wife shout for me again as I almost fall asleep . I quickly walk to living room and see what she want . what what what ? I give her those look of a worried husband as Im scare she cut herself or something but no ... then she look at me and say , I want a ps3 xbox360 and wii . I look at her for few minutes before going back to see my laundry with a very silent whisper to myself . I didnt hear that I didnt hear that I didnt hear that . then my suddenly suddenly jump at me from behind causing me to crash land on the floor hard . ouch , PAIN LAH . I shout at her but she keep on torturing me from behind and keep asking me to get whatever those thing is for her . she acting very kiddish , like a kid asking for toy where their parent dont let . my kid never scream for toy , infact they dont ask for toy . I stick with my son almost all the time and we play a lot together . he rarely play alone until form 1 and by then he have his own friend to play with . and less time to play with me and furthermore I found a job for him to work when he want a handphone . and from those day and teaching onward . he really become very independant . my daughter however ... uhh , I dont know , I guess my wife keep her accompany most of the time as well . I take care of the male she take care of the female . it is sort of understandable silent agreement . and my back start to hurt cause of her sitting and torturing me from behind . I try to resist but finally give in . I stand up and she fall off behind me and roll at the floor . she is so cute . and I squat and tell her which by then she is laying on the floor looking at me . honey , you dont have to ask me isnt it ? you can just go and buy it for yourself . after all , our family money is with you and we all trust you with it . she look at me and say . yeah I know I just want to bully you since it is still very early in the day . hearing those word from him make me angry . then I rub her stomach violently , so you just want to torture me ehh . then when she scream for help I start to run and she chase me to the kitchen and bash me up there with my son and daughter using video camera recording every moment .

then after the good bashing , the laundry machine make sound to indicate it have finish cleaning the laundry . I walk to grab a bucket and throw all the laundry in the bucket . and went outside front porch to sun it dry . my wife bash me is mostly gentle punch and slap and such . after so many years it wasnt really that painfull anymore , I guess she fed up with it already . then I look at the car and decided since Im outside anyway might as well wash the car . after finish the laundry I went inside house to get the car key so I can sweep the interior and vacumm it . but then I discover what my kid are showing to the 2 visitor who is my friend . they are showing clip from years back when they 2 start to know how to use the video camera . I bought the video camera as to record the birth of my daughter but my wife slap me real hard for having such an idea . I dont know why :( . then after quite some time . my son suddenly discover the video camera and ask me what it is and then I start to read the manual and teach him on how to use it . yeah I dont know how to use it as well and to be honest , I dont quite get the manual . but since I dont get it might as well involve my son . cause we then can have fun learning the video camera together . but he prove to be better at it than me with me not able to even start the for 3 day . he can record thing in 1 day . sigh . then from those day onward . whenever thing happen . he will video tape it . and yeah our collection grow very large and thanks to the dvd burning . we have alot of funny moment . I just stand watching a bit and my daughter start to make commentary and pause once a while . I just smile and tell them that Im going to wash the car . usually I will ask my kid see if any of them want to join in . my son this time want to help me . he bring out the cleaning stuff for the car and we both start washing it . after washing it clean , I wax it nicely and my son start to clean the interior and vacumm it nicely . Im happy to have a front porch . unlike my old staying place in a condo . this double storey give me nice place to work with the car . after quite some time , me and my son finish it and give it a good stare and I put my hand on my son shoulder and we both smile for the good job we have done together . when we went inside the house . my daughter ask me to watch the tv . so I watch and it is a moment sometimes ago where my wife curious on how my face would look like with cream on it so she went to cake shop bought a slice of cake and ask me to shut my eye and as I did she slam the cake onto my face . jesus ...

after few more minutes of the recording my wife stand up and say she is bored so she decided to go out . and she pull the arm of her 2 friend and yeah they just head off . with our daughter . and I look at my son and my son look at me . seem like they forgotten about us . I tell my son . then my son say , dad ... Im going out also . I then stand up and call him traitor . but then he stand up and pat on my shoulder . hope you have fun dad ,then he just walk out of the house like that . hey ? is there anyone in the house ? Im lonely ... sob sob everyone leave me . but then I look around the house . maybe I should clean the house . so I start to take out the broom and everything and start to sweeping the floor . 2 storey house is a lot of hassle to sweep it is so big and so large that I sometimes want to give up and just lay somewhere . my kid door usuall just open wide and the window rarely close unless we all went out where there is no one to close the window incase of rain . we let air circulate . despite it cause alot of dust but good air cirulation is more important than being lazy . then after I finish sweeping I take the bucket of water with those floor cleaning agent and start mopping . it was fun to clean the house . I still remember last time my mom would complain from dusk till dawn cause of house chore . I still dont get it until today . cleaning house is so much fun , the consequences of having a clean house is you can live healthily and happily . well maybe it is just me trying to enjoy everything in life . after finish mopping . I start to organize back all the book around the house . I like to read factual book , I start buying after marry my wife . before marriege I never got a chance to buy cause of the price . but after marriege since my wife love to read . might as well buy with her . and from buying book we get tax reducation . lovely . I have make a few makeshift diy cabinet around the house from wood I collect from construction site where they dont have anymore of those wood so I just ask them can I have them and they are more than gladly to give me . lol . I build alot of cabinet and got it chemically treated so no worm would eat it . and I clean it very throughly . my wife doesnt seem to mind so I keep building as the amount of book increase and most of the time my daughter will help me . quite weird . she say building the cabinet from nothing is like process of life from nothing to something . it was quite scary but I accepted it quite finely .

after quite sometimes arranging the book I discover a book with few letter in it . it was one of my wife book from those day where is studying . of course I open the letter without thinking . I know Im intruding her privacy only after I finish reading the letter and yeah I feel regret and bad for doing so but to not read the letter I wont know that my wife is such a popular figure during her time . the letter was written in a nice hand writting , nicer than mine , no grammer mistake , all beautifully written all heart honest talk and yeah , it was a love letter . and yeah I feel very bad all of sudden , tying her down to this little house that little car and this useless husband . I sob a bit before putting it back and continue arranging and yeah first time I discover all this letter cause I rarely arrange her book but seeing how messing it is I cant help . if she come back I will just pretend didnt see those letter . it doesnt make any change doesnt it now even if I Tell her . everyone have their own secret , except mine is I blared it all out to her . after more cleaning , I discover my own share of things as well . ah , the offer letter from some university for me to do my degree long long ago when I graduate higher diploma . I still remember , those time she still hate me and I went to singapore to continue my degree . I used my diploma and working experiance as entry requirement but soon after I finish my higher diploma , an overseas university offer me to finish my degree there . I went back to my wife who is my enemy by then to declare my love for her and tell her I got offer and ask her yes or no to my love toward her . I would demand an answer . if she have say no , I would be in those 4 season country now with french foreign legion background . cause I have decided to pursue my dream of joining army and making computer game if only she say no . but no ... she just got to destroy all my dream all my hope and say maybe . so I decided to stay here and prove to her I mean Im true and honest and yeah soon we get married and this is what we have now . no use feeling regret but sometimes whenever I think back , would my life be better if she say no ? how much would it change if she say yes ? I dont know . but sometimes I feel a bit cheated sometimes I feel a bit regret but end of the day I still appreciate and love my life now . then after somemore cleaning , I found a photo album . our marriege picture . our picture of she scold me , our picture of me being stupid . I remember there is one time she tell me that Im boring cause I have become very tame and unspirited to fight for our love . that is not entirely true , but I have become very following her word cause Im scare of losing her . Im very tired and Im very scare that cause me to act very feminish against her . sigh but once I tell her how I feel . she dont complain anymore but rather take on a more musculine side and punch me and slap me alway . lol

soon the sky turn dark as I rummaging and arranging thing back nicely . then I heard a horning sound from from door . my wife come back already . she is askine me to open the door for her . so I just stand at the door and show her my manly side by not open the door . then she get angry and come down and start to scold me . ok ok Im sorry I open the door for you ok . I alway fight against her but I alway give in to her . I let her win every time . lol . I trust her and I believe in her and I love her alot . I spark thing up by making her scold me . lol it is weird .but other than scolding me we dont really have a common ground . then my son appear from somewhere and just come in through the opened gate . then my daughter just come out of the car with plastic bag . I ask what is those thing . she say it is our dinner . ohh nice . she put the food in the eating area and I went ahead to get some plate . my wife didnt realise I clean the house . then her friend sit on the eating table looking at me arranging the plate nicely . I pour the food out the food onto a big plate and all of sudden my wife 2 friend tell me that they are taking plane back tomorrow mid noon . aiks so fast ? so I just nod at them . and soon my wife appear from her bath and my son who is watching tv sit on the table and we all start to dig in . my wife bought vegetarian food from vegetarian shop . I dont like them but my wife seem to be happy about it . so I just follow . I dont really like to eat at vegetarian restaurant . in my opinion they are hugely over-priced and somemore I dont like peoples to go vege restaurant just cause of me . my wife treat me just like anyone . she know I can eat anything if I want but I just dont want to eat meat . so I will give her meat if got and she will ask for more vege if cant . I love her so much . after dinner , they all just sit around while my daughter help me clean . after the cleaning , I saw my wife sitting on the floor with a monopoly board and she speak to me , come play we long time no play already . so I shout for my son on wherever he is to come and play and I ask my daughter to play also . while playing you can observe your critter I tell her as she is observing some creature in a plastic container . and soon we roll the dice . I cant believe that such a simple game can bond our family together . it was happy moment but I was soon getting into debt and declared bankrupted and give all my asset to my wife . those 2 friend of her is good .

then suddenly the house phone ring . weird . who would call the house phone as most peoples would call our mobile phone but oh well . so I pick it up and the voice on the other side ask if they can speak to me so I tell them who Im and soon they say they are from some university overseas . infact a very prestigious , they are offering me a phd program at 1/5 of the price . I ask why all of sudden the good deal . they tell me about a paper and program accompanying it that I have written a many years back for some competition . ahh I dont remember . swt . they say they have reviewed the paper and found very interesting . so they are offering me a job together with the phd . the job would include me to travel to some god forsaken country and develope it IT sector and they are offering me a very drooling sum of money . if Im interested I got to get the ticket to their university and take the airplane go . by tomorrow mid day . swt , what a sudden rush . then after I put down the phone , my wife ask me what happen . I search through the clutter of letter for any offering letter cause they say they have send me a letter but I have not reply them and yeah I found them . I dont usual go through mail cause mostly is bill and my wife handle them all . I open the letter and show my wife who ask me if I really want to go . I just tell her I dont know . I went to take a bath and watch the game go on and on and on . we never speak of the issue again that night cause my wife know she wont get any answer from me cause I still not sure yet

she bring her friend to zoo ...
after yesterday night sushi and strolling around the shopping complex , my wife was dancing around happily at home , with a hat . so out of curiosity I ask her why is she soo happy . and she answer back that tomorrow she going to bring her friend to zoo . and since so long never gone to zoo she is quite excited . so I ask her to bring our daughter along knowing that my son going to work . and I just want to sit around do nothing . then all of sudden my daughter pull my shirt to get me to pay her some attention . so I look at her and ask why . dad , tomorrow Im going to stay back at school for some activity in school . you can spend quality and leisure time with your wife . I look back at my wife . she smile so I step back , and walk away real slowly and all of sudden she just jump to me and I fall onto ground and she is sitting on top of me . ouch ouch ouch . pain ... her friend all of sudden squat beside me and start poking me . and my wife refuse to move away and she wont let me stand . and they are smilling one and kind and I scream for help . where is my son ? where ? hey anybody out there ? I scare they will do thing to me like use marker and draw stuff on my body . I was unable to release myself and they all have fun poking and sob sob , it is dark memory I dont want to remember . after the ordeal of poking and stuff , I went to have a bath while my wife and her friend busy themself with the playstation . sigh , as I walk out of the bathroom after my bath my son stand infront of me and pat on my shoulder . sorry dad , you got to be the victim , I just dont want to be tortured by them . ahh , my son already know they are up to something and I being the slowest in this family got to suffer for my disability . where is the justice ? WHERE !!! is being slow a crime ? sob sob soon afterward I went to bed after reading the book I bough yesterday or the other day or whenever . cant remember .

then I woke up like usual and get my morning jog . hmm my wife left a note for me to buy certain stuff . and apparently it seem like she want her friend to enjoy those food she ask me to buy . so I went ahead and bought . it was normal morning , except 2 big lump of human she call friend sleeping on the living room . I dont really talk much to her friend neither I want to . ever since I have decided to reject humanity except my love many years back . I rarely talk with anyone , most of the time is they initiate the conversation with me first . one of this reason I guess is how human self defence mechanism work . I hate being used and I hate being forgotten but Im not good with socialization . after so many pain of trying to get friend , I just concentrate on improving what I need to improve for my living and put self improvement of socialization aside but until now I have bother to dig it up and go socialize , lol . after all my wife is a good companion to me , although she rarely listen to what I have to say , it is not like first day I marry her or know her . she just hate me and I just got to be patience and I believe one day she will listen and open to me . just one day I believe . I just put all the breakfast into bowl and such and just put it on the table while I go take bath and prepare myself for breakfast . I sit down on the table and I call everyone to sit down eat together . lol . atleast this is the only thing I can do as head of family , or atleast I try . her friend woke up and join us for breakfast and they experiance first hand on how every single morning is . I and my daughter eat oat and my son and wife eat whatever I bought and we all discuss our day schedule . there is some bicker and some disagreement but we all settle it down with voice and compromise and good will . we are quite a happy family I must say .

after breakfast , my wife drove to work with the kid tagging along and be dropped off somewhere . so I just sit back relax and read my book . uhh ... and her friend just watch tv until she come back . after few hours of watching tv they switch to play the playstation . I continue to read my book but feeling a bit bored so I turn on my lappy and surf the net for latest information and hardware review and such . after few more hours they ask if they can use any pc for internet purposes . well yeah sure no problem . I turn off and log off my linux server and boot to window for them . why I got linux server ? for number crunching purposes , if I reach a certain amount of processing information , I would get paid . and the server itself is quite powerfull despite all second hand part and it is somehow my part time project . it is running on 4 mobile dual core cpu with passive cooling . lol . it run with 4 gig of ram and 2 scsi harddisk . there is no graphic card or sound card . all the machine doing is to process whatever information I feed it . montly I get deposited with 100 to 120 usd . it is small but more than enough . they are rather amazed by the machine speed but when they ask for speaker . I just went to search around the house . I remember I got , I put it somewhere . yeah it can make sound but since no body using it I just throw the speaker somewhere . ahh there I found it . lucky my house organized in such way that is to maximise the ability to be able to search thing . rather than like my mom who like to place tihng just for look . one time it took me 30 minutes just to find a remote in our old house which is a small condo unit . sigh . but those time have pass . now my mom just hate me for marrying a girl she dont like :( . after few more hours . they get bored with online and start to ask me thing while IM multi tasking with my lappy and my book . there is still several more 10 minutes my wife going to come back so just treat them nice and kind IM sure I can still socialize .

and yeah after 37 minutes to question and answer from my wife friend , my wife finally come back . she hop around and ask me if I been a good boy . I just look at her and make face and continue my book . she irritated by how I not answer her and she start to choke me . are you being a good boy . she ask repeatly . and I got no other choice but to say yes I have been a good boy now let me go . her friend just look at us two . sigh . I dont know it is embrassing or not but I definitely know my wife is happe and as long as IM not hurting anyone I feel that is most important for her to feel happy .
then she went to take a bath and I continue to read my book and multi task online . after shower my wife come out and with a perplexed face ask me why IM not ready yet . I look back at her with a huh kind of face and yeah I make a huh sound at her . she then grab my hand and ask me go get ready . we are going to the zoo .... no you are not me . IM not interested . I tell her IM not interested then she start to make teary eye and say , you dont want me already ? I though of spending more time with you , how can you do such thing to me ? is this how I deserve to be treated ? I quickly say no no I will go prepare I will go dont cry dont cry . then she reply me with , yay you agree but I dont care you make me cry you got to buy me ice cream . uhh ? OMG I have been tricked :( . she alway ask me to buy her food to pamper her but actually all money come from her . every month or everytime I got money I sure give all to her with some percentage of the money I keep in my other account . just incase . after I finish bath her friend take turn to get a bath as well and my wife just busy preparing bread and stuff at the kitchen . are we going to picnic ? why you bringing so many stuff to eat along ? after her friend finish we get onto car and drive off

after few hours of me gazing outside window wondering which zoo she is driving us to . finally she pull over at a petrol station , I though she want to fill petrol , or buy snack or something . but no ... she stop at some stop area in the petrol station cause it is quite big . then she ask me if I bring my lappy . I puzzle so I ask her back why . she pinch me with an agitated face and ask me to answer the question . ouch ouch ... I didnt bring so I answer her honestly . then she look at me . Im getting scare at this point . and she ask me to go down and ask for direction ... ahh she got lost and she is not happy about it so she is angry now . lol . I got bring some money from home due to years of saving up from her misery 8 ringgit per day . she only give me 8 ringgit per day to survive . her reason was to restrict me so I wont go out flirt or find other girl . which is very unreasonable but I will live with it to gain her trust . so I went ahead and ask for direction . the petrol station peoples was kind enough to take some paper and draw me a map . and my wife off the engine and take a stroll around the petrol station with her friend . seeing them wonder off walking nearby so I quickly went to ice cream corner and buy whichever I can buy with the tiny amount of money I have . then I ask her to put her hand out . she ask why . so I just insist on she putting her hand out . so she did and I give her the ice cream . then I tell her , I will drive ok , dont get angry , after all we are not used to this place isnt it ? finish the ice cream and we will go . she smile gently and just nibble the ice cream . she ask her friend if they want but they just shake their head . hmm I wonder if they are used to the hot weather already . my wife just continue nibbling and humming some random song and decided to go inside the petrol station shop and shop for a bit . I just walk in with them and have a chat with the attending peoples of the shop .

after she finish the ice cream I just give her tissue to clean her face up . lol . she smile again and Im glad . so we all hope onto the car and drove off . finally we arrive at the zoo and it is quite a surprise cause the zoo is just next highway to the petrol station . infact if I squint my eye I bet I can see the petrol station . my wife angry for nothing . lol . so we start to unpack everything from the car and move on . the zoo itself isnt really a zoo . it is more of a large fence reserve area . there isnt an entry fee . but I got to carry all the load of the goods we bring . I guess it is a trade off . then we walk for a bit before settling down on a good spot . there isnt really monkey or anything that can steal our food so we just sit around and enjoy our food . there is bread and jam and few bottle of cold water and some this some that . there is few fruit as well and my wife is look left and right for anything she can feed . but soon she get bored and say ... ahh I want some animal to feed ... I want I want I want . and then she start to shake me in a very violent manner . go find me an animal I can feed this apple with . go go go . I cant stand her noisiness so I go off in search of wild and adventuruous . uhh what eat apple anyway ? I walk for a bit and I havent see any park ranger that I can ask . and soon enough I lay on a tree . the tree was kinda thin and I didnt realise when I lay on my back on it . the tree shake violently . opps . then suddenly a person fall off the tree . holy sh*t . I was scared to half death . then I walk to the person and poke it and wish it is still alive . the person suddenly stand up and say IM ok . so I ask who is he and he say he is the park manager . ahh finally found someone I can ask thing about . then for the rest of the day the guy despite having a sore back from the drop become our tour guide for the day and yeah my wife found something she can feed her apple on finally . it is a bird who keep on pecking the apple . it was rather amusing and cute . sigh but sadly we arrive here quite late and before we knew it we got to head back home .

once in car . my wife fall asleep on the back seat and she use her friend lap as pillow . amazing how she can sleep in such a tiny car . after all she is roughly the same size as me and despite IM sitting up straight it still feel rather claustaphobic or however it is spell . it is too small for my preferences . the only reason why we get this car is cause of she saying it is cute . I have no complain other than it smallness . it have a good engine have good cornering ability good fuel consumption everything quite good after all the modification I have put in . it is a great car . I trust and respect her choice and yeah we end up great . I trust her words alot especialy when it come to food . she is genius , I must say somehow my trust on her just hit good luck everytime everyday and everymoment . then all of sudden her friend start to talk to me . they ask do I really love her how much I love her why I so persistant about her and all kind of thing that normal human would ask . I mean how normal it is for a guy to marry a girl . and the guy lost all his man trait for her wife , cant raise when see girl in sexy cloth , cant think of any other girl as pretty , and such . and the girl this guy like hate the guy so much that she is willing to kill him if given a change . it is a marriege in hell to many eye . but somehow we end up 2 kid and our own house and car . lol . then I just answer her friend my honest opinion of everysingle question . I dont know how if I earned their respect and trust or not but what I know definitely is that this fight is far from being over to earn her trust and to convince peoples that I really do mean good will and willing to change for better if being guided and given a chance . drive drive drive . then I remember one this . since it is on the way I stop by our daughter school . actually few miles away from our daughter school cause it is over school hours and the main road would be heavily congested . I ask if they want to see our daughter school and they say they want but how about my wife ? uhh cant leave her alone in car . so I wake her up . how to wake her up without making her angry ? I got an idea . I hold an orange and wake her up and when she rub her eye I tell . you have eaten pieces of this poisonious orange . thanks god you are ok . my wife with her sleepy face look at me for a few minutes before going back to sleep .

I tell her IM sorry , just wake up ok . then she pull my shirt and say give me a morning kiss first . uhh ? no ... wtf ? I just run to some tree and put my hand on the tree and just catching me air . god that is scary and stupid . then she just get out of the car shout at me . hey are you finish being stupid ? come lock the car . so I just went over her and lock the car and she look around and ask me . did you sms or call our daughter before we come over ? uhh ... oh sh*t ... she look at me feeling very unstatisfy and want to punch me so badly but she just go with a sigh and walk to the school and we all start walking . yeah the road is quite congested , with peoples randomly honking now and then me and my wife just walk into school and randomly stroll around to look for our daughter . where is she . finally we found her . she and some peoples squatting around a small tree and ... what are they doing ? I squat with them and my wife squat and her friend squat and we all look at the tree for 10 minutes before I ask my daughter . what you looking at . she put a shh at me and say be quietly the butterfy is coming out soon . then she point at a cocoon or thing . then we all squat for 30 minutes . I just gaze at the cocoon and soon enought after 40 minutes of agonizing squatting a butterfly emerge and fly off . then all the peoples just stand up and strech abit and wave at each other and go their own way . now that is some weird activity . then my daughter suddenly realise IM there all along . ehh dad you are here and mom too and ... what you all doing ? so I just say we all are looking for the emerge of the butterfly . it is very beautifull . then she say , ehh ok ok we are going back now right ? come to my room for a while I take my stuff then we can go already . yeah my daughter have her own fan in the school . it is kind of creepy to think of it but my wife doesnt seem to mind and I went out with all her fan before . she would definitely tell me if there is anything wrong and so far all peoples I see around her is quite nice . they have convert a club house to her own room . talk about amazement . then my wife suddenly pat on my back and tell me that we all are going to her mom place and eat . ohh ... ok ... save me sometime to buy dinner , lol . we are getting free dinner :P . then we drive to our son place and wait for him to finish work before heading off to eat dinner . her sibling come eat dinner as well . and I got hail storm of critic and amusing enough , my wife have to pat on our son shoulder and ask him to calm down . then she tell me "our stupid son inherited your trait . fight for unncessery reason and unrequire time and location , sigh "

lol , it is happiest moment to know my son willing to fight for his believe and trust . it was a nice day zoo get lost ask for direction and butterfly look out . ^^

IM tired ...
last night is crazy , my wife invite all of her friend to come bbq and one of her friend bring an extra pit . and again I stuck in kitchen cooking and my kid just take the dish out to serve her friend . almost 70 percent of her friend come which is enough to conquer the area we are living in if they are all army unit . it wasnt easy but lucky today is a working day thus none of them stay too long . I just went ahead take a second bath after the party over and help to clean thing up while my wife busy with house budget , yeah first of march , time to pay bill . almost all bill for february arrive and we never really like to collect bill for too long . my family alway say pay bill last minutes cause that is what everyone is doing . what is everyone ? everyone is a personality of their own . everyone exist as a person , everyone uniqueness create society . there is no general rule for how a person should be . it is different of everyone that create advancement . imagine everyone doing the same everyone making same thing . there wont be computer or car cause everyone is busy cooking or something . I hate generalization idea , it is wrong . after finish clean up I pat on my wife and ask her if money is enough . I sometimes wonder who is the breadwinner here . Im or she is . she have a stable job at kindergarden but it was enough to pay the bill but not enough for anything else . yeah our family is kinda big spender but not like we cant afford it . I on other hand work as contractor . have few share and few investment and few money source but my main job is as a programming contractor . I receive order from peoples and help peoples to create system . when time is good I would have several job within a month but when time are bad I just get a part time job cause hardly any beneficial job are around . my wife will show me the account for the month if I ask but I believe in her able to manage everything . my last job salary still can feed the family for few more month . lol . plus we got enough saving to send this 2 kid overseas for study . I was amazed at how much we have save considering I have my own saving account as well .

after I help my wife a bit with accounting software that I have created to ease her job I went ahead to bed and fall asleep quickly . tired from cooking . and my wife still chatting and stuff with her friend . her friend sleep downstair now day . seem like my wife sleeping with them . lucky we got a big living room and few mattress . I close the window and it is quite warm so I open the door but it is still too unbearable hot to sleep . so I got no choice but to turn on the air conditioning . sigh . I dont like . I fall asleep soon afterward . was dreaming of several other thing . cant remember any . I woke up as per usual and went for a jog . I wonder what should I buy for breakfast . so I just buy everything every one piece of everything . whenever I go breakfast I would take some money from her . she got this place to store money for me to take for breakfast . sometimes she will write on paper what she want and stick it with the money but sometimes she doesnt request so I just buy whatever I want . I went back home with a lot of food . everything of anything . lol . they all still sound asleep when I arrive home . wonder what time they all sleep . my wife need to go to work since it is still weekday . but I let her sleep a bit more before waking her up , so I took a bath pour all the food onto bowl and after all have done , I went ahead wake everyone up . she rub rub her eye and she is soo cute waking up all blur . she tell me she dont want to go work ask me to take her place and went back to hug her bolster and I just continue to shake her ask her to wake up . I annoy her so much that she shout at me to stop shaking her and she will wake up . she rub her eye and walk sleepily toward the toilet to refresh herself . the kid already sitting at the table . so I sit with them and wait for my wife . the kid look at the so much variety of food . so I just ask them how they are doing what they going to do for the day . my son got to work . my daughter will follow whatever mom doing . I wonder should I ask her to work as well ? after all I used to teach my son to code html at her age . and simple programming . he learn very fast and he can soon code system . programming is all logic , he learn himself I dont really need to teach him much .

after my wife leave with the kid . I realise something . holy sh*t what should I do with her 2 friend ? uhh ... I better go pretend IM sleeping or something and put note ask them to eat anything they want . so I silently tip toe to the upstair and lay on my bed . sun shine up but with window wide open , the room arent really that hot . infact it is quite comfortable . and yeah soo comfortable that I soon fall asleep . zzz . then soon I was awaken by something that is bothering me . the sky turn dark . wtf ? I went outside to look outside the window and realise the sky turn dark already . I quickly run downstair and look around . my wife is there her friend there and my kid . everyone look at me and my wife break the silent of 3 minutes with . ehh you finally wake up ? I though you are death . wow Im so tired that I sleep the whole day . well not like I got anything to do for the day . then I just ask them all if they want dinner let go out eat . my wife say sushi sushi . so I say let walk to the shopping complex around the block since they have sushi to eat . I went up to get a change of cloth and I realise my phone have some mis-call . my team mate call me . I call them back and they ask me what is the big idea I register them for the hacking talk next week . I just tell them it would be an eye opener and it going to be fun . lol . they dont have much experiance in security related so they going to join the beginner talk . while I would go on advance talk cause I have worked with some hacking tool firewall and anti-virus . amazingly I have help coded half of a custom anti-virus program sometimes ago using C++ . and the program was later found it way somehow to the market and the company who request us turn from their original business to becoming a software house that maintain the software . I sue them straight for selling software that is intended for internal use only . it was complicated issue , but I manage to win a huge sum of money and the software house soon gone bust of bad publicity . and the anti-virus ? gone oblivion , there isnt really any copy left except the master copy with me .

after I get a change of cloth , we all walk to the nearby shopping complex and my wife soon start ordering . I ask them what they all did whole day . my wife tell me she come back home and bring our daughter and her two friend out . to some place . and to pay bill as well . and my son just say he have a good time working . he working a dual job now day . one is part time shop keeper another is part time website builder . not really fancy for company use more of a promoting purposes and to introduce company type of website . he know how to use sql and asp however to create system . but he rarely find those . he say he doesnt have time for so advance maybe when it is school holiday only . the shop he is taking care of is very free most of the time . so he can work on website when he is in the shop . no one complain after all he is working very hard . and at night time he will study for his spm . I tell him to get minimum 6 credit . I dont really care what result he got . in my opinion , spm arent really that great , it just gateway to get a college degree . I once ask him what he want to do , he tell me he want to be doctor . IM proud of him . lol . the food came and we all dig in . my wife order for me as per usual . she ate a lot of sushi and her friend digging in a lot . Im happy that I able to give my family ability to eat whatever they want to eat . this kind of meal is certain unaccessible to many peoples so I alway tell my kid to be appreciative and thankful . Im a bit worried about my daughter . I dont really care about my son anymore , he know life is too fricking hard and life is too fricking sad . but my daughter doesnt really seem to grow up knowing herself and understanding the world . IM worried but I shall leave her to my wife . I might express my worried and request to intervene but she definitely wont allow me to more than provide food and accommodation to my daughter but I dont really care as well , cause I believe in my wife able to make the kid live a life of happy and straight . after the dinner we walk a bit in the shopping complex . I ask my daughter if she like the new book I bought for her , she just smile and nod at me . she is really becoming her mom , scary mystery and unpreditable

everything going back normal
I dont remember anything from last night when I woke up and realise that IM sleeping on the bed I alway sleep on . the bed I sleep on every night with her . I toss and turn and look at the ceiling . the same ceiling I woke up every morning , the ceiling that was never paint ever since we move into the house despite I know my wife want to color it . I turn again and look at the window , I can hear bird chirping outside . I can see the sun shinning at the world outside . it is the same window I open every morning to let air in . it is the same window every morning I open and tell myself what a wonderful world and life IM having . I toss and sniff at the pillow I lay my head on everyday . it have become quite smelly after 20 years plus of sleeping , Im thinking of the moment we are together with my wife , on how happy Im that I finally able to get her as my wife . then I turn and toss again and look at the toilet door . I tell myself , what have I done now , running away like that unable to cope with what she say Im . I admit Im a bad person but what more important is IM trying very hard to change despite all she say about me . IM very hurted that all my effort all my doing all my caring all my fighting for this so many years all throwed into dustbin and wasnt recognise and my wife still view me as a person who she hate the most . and I hate myself for giving up just like that , I wasnt the same person when we first meet , I wasnt same person when she hate me , I wasnt same ever since I marry her . I let go every single thing that I view deem unnecessary in making her happy . I let go my socialization , I let go of my entertainment , I let go of my dream , I let go off my pervertedness . I want to make her realise that Im really honest that I really mean it but what happen last night is a blow , an equivalent of atomic bomb on all my effort and all my work on all this year . why ... how ... sigh ... I dont want to wake up , I just close my eye and look for nagi . she alway there to answer me whenever I need answer , even after all this years I still deem nagi with a very important status in my heart . if she is real life I wont even think of marrying my wife . I fall asleep after a bit without me finding the answer .

sleep sleep sleep , zzz . suddenly I was waken up by a heavy impact on my body . IM crushed to pieces . and when I open my eye , my wife is sitting on my back . hey wake up wake up . and she keep on moving and my back really sore . so I get get up and she drop onto the bed . I ask her what is the big idea . she stand up and walk to exit the room but before she dissapear from my sight she say . come down and get your lunch , how long you still want to sleep ? tonight we are having bbq , we got to go get food . huh ? something wrong something not right . so I quicky run to catch her from behind . and I whisper to her , please forgive me IM sorry and I know IM selfish to leave you just like that . then she scream "pervert" and throw me off at the staircase . ouch ouch ouch , I roll down the staircase and landed upside down on downstair . then she come down give me few kick before telling me "how can I not say you are pervert ? early morning already start attacking girl" . damm she havent heard anything I say I presume . sigh whatever lah , I really got to start thinking about myself , and appreciate everything that is happening . I mean there is no bad thing happening isnt it ? my wife then walk away to the living room where her two friend is busy on ps2 . all of sudden she turn around and say "it ok forget it . just go eat and prepare to go out with us ok , we are going shopping" then she smile before turning around again and skipping to join her friend . I get up and walk to the dining table and found few slice of cake and a letter . I just grab a fork from kitchen and start digging in while opening the letter . and suddenly my wife start running toward me push me and grab the letter from my hand . since you wake up so late , you cant read this letter . ehh , I suspect something so I get really close with her and start to whisper at her asking her what is inside the letter . I make her really uncomfortable with my tone and I getting bit too close for comfort and soon she cant stand it and start whack me ask me dont be such a devil . I finish my food with my body aching both from last night and today . ouch ouch . then after finish I went to get a change of cloth and tell her that IM ready to go and we and her friend get into the car and drove off .

we arrive at some shopping complex and they start off by visiting some shop . I tell my wife IM going to bookshop read book and when they want me to help call me . my wife just smile and pat on my shoulder and ask me have fun . so I just walk to the bookshop . but before that I went to buy a bottle of water . quite thirsty . the cake must be baked by my wife herself , I bought the oven long time ago so she can bake if she want and if she know . it wasnt used that often as my wife rarely bake . and I thought she dont know how to bake after several years where I was busy cleaning it off dust and stuff . I ask my wife if she know how to bake those time and she didnt really answer me but after our second kid there is 1 time she bake . heard it is for friend party occasion and I get a taste and yeah it have it own distinctive taste that I will never forget . not bad the taste just very special . Im thirsty cause didnt get any water at home . I was rushing so wont waste my wife time . I arrive at the bookshop with 1.5 liter bottle of water . I look around and found some interesting books . one of the book I saw is about french foreign legion , I want to buy it , apparently the writer is a medic in the legion and it talk about his life there . I want to be a legion too but sadly my wife willing to marry me and I got to ditch the dream . so I took the book and hold it while reading for some other material and pick up few animal book for my daughter . I read some automotive engineering book and realise few thing now and then and all of sudden I was surprised by a loud voice and a pat on my shoulder from behind . my wife jump out of no where and scare the hell out of me . I drop all the book on ground and just sit on the ground look at my wife while she laugh at how easily it is to scare me . she then show me some book she want to buy and her friend come find us soon afterward . and they want to buy few book too . and yeah we end up buying so much book . that it is very heavy to carry . we decided to drop the book in car first before heading for food . me and her friend never talk much . infact we never talk . I wasnt trying to socialise or anything I cant be bothered at all as long as my wife is happy and she get the idea I prefer to be alone . then we went to supermarket to get food . which I just become background character just following and help them carry heavy things . more than gladly ofcourse IM .

then we drive back house . and the sun indeed already set down . once reach home , they all just went inside and grab their towel and take turn for bath and I got to unload everything . book to the living room so it will get divided later . food for bbq in kitchen . and my son and daughter just look at me . dad are you ok ? and my daughter is worse . she offer me a candy ask me dont be sad . damm I just hug them both and tell them that IM ok and I wont leave them or their mom . nope not ever . then my wife suddenly pull my ear and say . if you dare to leave me I will hunt you down and kill you in the most painful way I can think . ouch ... scary . then I ask my kid who want to help me today . I alway ask either 1 of them to help me whenever possible to prepare and make the food . so they will gain more experiance , develope more bond and understand each other better . my daughter however insist on helping . me and my wife went shopping last time for stuff to decorate the house and somehow we ended buying an electric bbq grill . amazing , you can get anything electric now day . I have decided to go with electric grill cause no need buy the cumbersome coal and I think it will be cheaper and more efficient . and so I just let her do the job while I went ahead and take a bath and then went to kitchen to fry stuff like fries while they all chatting happily busying themself infront . and all of sudden more of her arrive and thing really get heated up when out of no where come a second grill and soon alot more peoples join in . I ask my wife what is the big idea . she say she have invited all of her friend for bbq . OMG

FINE WHATEVER
after yesterday noise and buzz and thing . I sleep on the sofa again . and they all girl giggling around and playing around in the room . Im angry , after all this years , afte all I have try , how can she say to peoples that IM such a person . I decided to not jog and just go off somewhere . IM angry and sad , I write a note and leave it on the table and ask them to get their own breakfast . whatever she want . I dont even care anymore . I want a freaking divorce but if not because of the kid and cause I love her . I really fed up with her bloody attitude . I mean yes I admit Im stupid I need to be taken care of every now and then and everything . but Im trying here . cant you see IM trying ? cant you see I really love and wish the best for both of us ? just tell me what wrong I will try my best to fix it . I know Im wrong , enough is enough . sigh . I just drab myself in some cloth went out and take lrt to god know where . since I got the monthly pass , it doesnt really matter if I just sit here and dream . maybe I can get a better sleep too . especially the aircon is just nice for the weather . and the seat arent too bad . I remember last time , long long ago I travel in bus so much to work and to fight for my experiance and knowledge that I get tired once too often and will fall asleep in bus . IM used to it already . then all of sudden my phone ring . my wife calling me . Im not sure to pick it up , or just leave it . I know I will get scold if I dont pick it up but then suddenly I think back on how she treat me even despite after all this year . I just press the no button on the phone , and turn it off . I cant be bothered , IM angry Im frustated I just cant care . then suddenly someone give me a flyer , someone is spreading flyer in the lrt . weird ... I never seem them inside lrt before . they usualy do it outside lrt station . oh well I look at what the flyer say . "Programmer Convention" .

I wasnt too interested since Im rather occupied with my childish behaviour of not admitting my wrong doing to my wife and leaving all my responsibility and just leaving like that but I try very hard to set aside whatever my wife have said to her friend last night . I try very hard to not think of how many years of married and how she treat me . seriously I try but IM very sad and I very heart broken . I just want to sit and do nothing for the day . then my stomach start growling . damm all my money with my wife . I didnt take any for today . IM hungry , then I decided to go to this programmer conference in hope there is food to eat . I arrive at the convention and I was rather amazed on how big it is . it wasnt locate in prime location like klcc or pwtc so my wife propably wont see me or expect me to be here . I start to walk around . this convention got a lot of thing . programmer promoting themself , gaming challenge , college offering courses , company seeking programmer . but then I hit the jackpot . a mini contest on programming language on the spot test and win 50 ringgit . yay , more than enought for me to fill my stomach . and yeah I win 50 ringgit . and I went straigh for any food stall nearby . I stand infront of a chinese shop and went in and I sit down . they give me a menu and ask me what I want to eat . uhh , how long already I have to rely on my wife to order for me cause I dont know what to eat ? sigh , my wife is actually the kindest person , of all peoples , I would say she is my only friend , she treat me very special compare to anyone have ever treat me in my life . I just order fried rice without meat . and wait for the food . I forget to brush my teeth but Im just too hungry to care . I want to sms her say Im sorry but then I ponder ... bad and good , pros and cons , evil and good . what she really feel about me ? does she really still hate me ? I dont know what she hate me till today . I never bothered other than trying to improve what I believe it is the cause . I dont even care at all about her now day . I dont care where she went I dont care what she eat I dont care who she went out with . cause she havent give me the permission to care yes . so I dont intrude on her private ground . I just sit aside and watch from very far and ignore everything .

my rice come at least and I eat it all up hastily . IM really hungry . then I went back to the programming convention . ehh a company is sponsoring a hacking course . I sign up together with my team member detail and particular . lol . I dunno if they are free next week but oh well better than nothing for them . then I walk around collect freebie and really have a heck of time conversing with peoples . then suddenly I meet someone I have worked with long time ago . he ask me how am I doing , am I rich yet . well he is a programmer from foreign country , I was choosen last time due to pure luck to work with him in a massive time critical everything must be perfect program for industry purposes . since I appreciate my chances there very well , I work very hard and earn a lot . he thought I still work like last time and gotten rich with merz and banglow but he was shocked when I say that Im working on small and medium scale software mostly for newly or expanding company that doesnt really need that much of skill . over the past years long long ago , I have alot of high profile project , but none of them I really care . lol . all I care was my family , I want to give them the best I can give . so I work really hard and really try alot . we have a simple chat and he is currently a manager of IT department in some MNC company . ohh , ahh ... I ough to feel envy with his salary but all I care at the moment is ... nothing . bleh . so we parted away and I walk somemore before heading off for dinner . it wasnt a productive day neither it was a happy day . it was a dark day however . yeah bleak and dark . without my family what is my aim , without my love what is my life , without her what I have been working so hard for ? then it start to rain . I lazy to take lrt and lucky my monthly pass wrap in plastic , cause I destroy one before and so my wife help me to laminate it . lol it was overkill but she just dont want to waste money buying new one for me . I walk in the rain back to my house . it make me have a fever sore throat and finally I found myself not even half way back home . so I took the lrt

the lrt aircon is cold . so cold I feel soo alone so lonely . my wife never let me hug her or touch her . I want her warmness I want to be with her . I want to hug her and kiss her and caress her and massage her and make her feel good . I dont care if whatever survey say sex is require for a good marriege . we never have any and neither I want any . I just want to hug her and feel her warmness and just watch tv maybe feed her snack . I just want to share and make memory with her , in the lrt I broke down and cry . peoples look at me , I cant be bothered I just cry . I went to a corner of the lrt and cry . why she still treat me in such way , how can I prove myself to her ? how how how ? why ? why why ? a kind lady appear infront of me and offer me a towel . I took it and wipe myself and then cover myself with it . I dont know which station it is I dont know what is happening . that lady I didnt see her face give me a hug and guide me to her house . why Im in some weird stranger house ? ok now only I manage to think of it . at that time I just cry and sob and really miss my wife . she put a cup of hot milo and some biscuit infront of me and ask me tell her why Im cry and all wet . I dont know what I have spoken but I definitely never tell her anything that my wife ask me dont tell . I cry and cry and then she lead me to a car and she drove me back to my house . who is she how the hell she know my house ? weird ... I cant remember a thing . too tired that I fall asleep in the car . so tired that I sleep the whole night somewhere . my house ? her car ? road side ? Im not sure but IM sure that Im really sorry but please forgive me , I know Im wrong , I really I know , but I just dont know which part of me is wrong , I know IM wrong somewhere . just tell me please . sigh

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